Hi,
I spent hours reading the tales of woe and horror here. And here are a few things I have to say:
1) Reading about other people's suffering definitely made me feel a bit better. But this wasn't because of any reasoning, or any justifying within myself. It was a purely emotional reaction. Who knows why it happened. I felt better, but I didn't come to any big conclusion about myself: e.g. I should cheer up about my life. Because my life hadn't changed after all. Saying that would be no different from lying to myself.
2) We are all a bag of mixed emotions and instincts. This probably explains why people who hate life don't kill themselves, and why we feel a humoungous mind-fuck. We don't want to die, but we ain't that keen on living either. This is because, even though we're fed up with life, our instinct to overcome others, and to assert ourselves, rages powerfully. We want to die - but we don't want to die pointlessly - and this is because of our instincts.
But what mind-fucks us even more is that this isn't even a matter that could be resolved by trying to be reasonable to ourselves. Even someone who wanted to be happy, wouldn't be unreasonable if they didn't after all because some great tragedy ravaged their emotions. We couldn't debate our way to happiness.
3) Luck plays an important part in our lives and if we deny this we are just lying to ourselves. Usain Bolt is faster than all of us. Some people who are younger than me are way smarter. And this luck goes deep deep deep. It affects the way we think about things, the way we come to see the world, etc.
And things like democracy, and certain kinds of philosophy, lead us to ignore this. We all think we can be rich/strong/powerful/smart/beautiful. In a certain kind of world, this is probably true. - A world of Gods. But is it in THIS world? Can we always add more to the near-empty basket that Nature has stingily given us? I won't say yes or no. I'll say: what do you think? In your hearts, I believe, you know the answer. In the jungle, there are rabbits, mice, frogs - and then there are tigers, foxes and bears.
4) If we want to keep thinking that we can somehow break beyond what we are, that's entirely up to us. Because, in certain cases, we may even be right! (e.g. Richard Branson) And this is the mind-fuckery of life: we can never ever say: "Think like this" or come to a rest in our thoughts.
5) But in certain cases it'll be obvious that we can't. We're doomed to a life of pain, suffering and grey dullness. We're mediocre, boring, insincere - and we at least have tried hard, and have failed.
6) 'What should we do?' then has - for me - a certain sense. Being more like 'we might as well...' Here is the mind-fuckery: we are never justified in thinking: 'I'll give up' or 'I'll create a fantasy world where I can comfort myself'. But I at least think - and thought in bed last night: even if our life is going to be shit, let's at least fight. Often we don't want to delude ourselves (interestingly, we take that for granted: and we then praise ourselves for honesty - our will to truth, all at the same time as thinking that we are shit!). Let's be able to laugh at ourselves and how shit we ultimately are, but let's also fight. Let's at least take our lives seriously. What do I mean by that? (taking our lives seriously)
People whose lives aren't as shit as ours don't generally experience as deep emotions of despair. They probably, are emotionally flat, compared to people who are suicidal with self-loathing. So when they see us struggling to even keep ourselves alive in various cases they might think: 'Oh look at that person, what a try-hard who fails to be understated and reserved'. Like someone sniggering to themselves at a sweaty commuter who's just caught the bus and is out of breath, and showing it. My point - you should at least agree with me that the person who says: 'Oh dear, I don't want to be so expressive' is a fucking worm and fails to take their life seriously. Like the mild, ditchwater English who are so petty and superficial, divorced from themselves - at least we know that we're pieces of shit! At least fucking take your lives seriously. And I'm at no point telling you take to your life seriously because of any REASON. (e.g. you should be grateful for being here)
7) The last thing I wanted to do was to say: 'Oh, your life wasn't that bad after all', or necessarily to cheer anyone up. I just wanted to paint a certain picture. | |
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