I’ll keep thing brief since I don’t think I am breaking any new ground here. I am a 44 year old loser who has never had a girlfriend or been on a date. I am not Brad Pitt but I am NOT a complete freak or anything. I lack any sense of self worth or esteem. I spend my time off from work just killing time. Over the years, the few friends that I had have drifted away as they have started lives. I have brothers and sisters, but our relationships are strictly based on a formula of occasional phone calls and tedious scripted holiday events.
I live hour by hour, day by day and week by week in a pointless pattern of sadness and boredom. I am not saying that I am a raving lunatic or that I cannot function in society. I have a good job and am financially fairly well off. Most of the time, the numbness of my routine provides a barrier that insulates me from the underlying feelings of sadness and worthlessness. I stay busy at work and watch sports on TV. But I have always had daily occurrences where the reality of my pathetic, empty life bubbles up to the surface. I just push it back down and go about my business. I feel a hopeless nausea that is almost physical. It is getting worse and more frequent of late. I feel bad so much of the time that I know that I cannot continue on this way. I am not a quitter and not suicidal, I am just sick of the emptiness when I am surrounded by so many people having such fun!
I know that this is not likely to help, but I have decided to walk away from my life and start over somewhere else… Wish me luck. | |
Watch it. Cheer up its not the end. Its a new beginning for the new life. You have to just start making changes.
Lonliness and feeling life is pointless is nothing new.Its the human condition and it why we have invented so many ways to distract ourselves.
I have my own story just as you do and i feel very similar to the way you do.
Im 47 and I have discovered the only way to give life meaning is to live it for other people, not for yourself.
I dont mean live life for all people, undeserving idiots, tossers, etc etc. I mean to find happiness in making someone or something worthy happy is the only point to life.
As humans we arent meant to be alone. we are social animals, we are pack animals like dogs. The modern world allows us to be linked to each other in a way that isnt healthy, by IT. We have to be linked to each other in person.
Computers and phones allow us to stay seperate from the very thing we need to be happy and healthy,interaction with other people.
At one time humans relied on each other to survive, it was impossible to survive for long as an individual. Thats why exclusion from a society or pack meant ones death.
In our horrible but privelidged Western world we dont NEED each other to survive anymore BUT we do need each other to be happy and healthy.
A life lived for oneself is empty, a life lived for others is full and normal.
Look at a shopping centre on a saturday afternoon, most people there dont need to buy anything thats imperative to their survival. They flock there to be around others, I do it myself.Im a very lonely woman. Im 47, divorced with no kids and like you a family who are distant.
Im aware that I chat to people I dont know in the queue and Im aware that they do it to. Sometimes I wait and see how long it takes for someone to start talking to me about something trivial.
Its because we have to connect with others and it isnt trivial. Its actually a very interesting human dynamic.
No matter where you go in the world you will find the same dynamics working between people.
See how many old, housebound or infirm people are now connected to the internet.
They cant get out to meet people in the normal human way and they have found a solace in the internet. They can connect in some way to the rest of the world.
It gives them a kind of lifeline but it doesnt give them what they really need. To be connected to a real person in front of them.
My lonliness is sometimes so overpowering I feel as if the walls of my house are about to collapse on me. Ive lived this way for years and the only way I can cope is to think about someone else I know and then try to see them.
Ive got everything I need to survive.I have food, a home, heat, laptop, dvds etc but I dont have what I need to live. Someone to live for. I was at my happiest in my life when I had a partner. Someone I could make happy. Im single now and I choose to focus my love and attention on making my mom and my cats happy. Im the person you see who stops to pick up an injured bird from the roadside or take a dead cat to the rescue centre instead of leaving in in the street. Dave we arent all having fun. Even my twenty something nephews have told me they find life tedious and as a result they drink far too much just to pass the time!!!!! Drink, drugs, food ,gambling, look around you and you will see that a lot of those people having fun have just found something to pass the time also.
Theres no secret, no mystery, no holy grail. I do wish you loads of luck. I hope you find the inner happiness that you yearn for. I actually think you will.
This is true advice from a highly paid psychologist. I'm not trying to impress you, but to impress upon you that this advice is legit. I'm trying to get you to pay attention. I've posted this to many of you, so don't let that lessen the value of these proven techniques.
I'll cut to the chase. The secret to happiness: What you focus on is your reality.
Try this -- Focus on being grateful -- and I don't mean this like a lecturing parent. I say this as a PROVEN THERAPY STRATEGY for souls in pain.
When you feel gratitude, you can't feel anything bad -- it's one of the most pure, happy emotions humans have.
Try this. This sounds really silly, but it WORKS!
Go on you tube and look up Refugee Camps. Watch those videos. In a blink, your troubles are put into perspective.
Then take a moment and just be grateful for everything you have that those pour souls do not. If you focus only on gratitude, watch what happens!
Being grateful is a choice.
No matter what is happening, you can find something to be grateful about. That is the TRUE POWER you have. That is the SECRET TO HAPPINESS.
Try this. Get yourself super grateful, let that feeling take you over -- then go be with people. See what happens. Try this with strangers. See what happens.
Remember, people are like mirrors, they REFLECT what you are projecting. So if you hate yourself, they will pick up that vibe and bounce it back at you. If you project gratitude, that pure beautiful universal emotion will bounce back at you!
Always remember for anything in life -- spend 20% of your energy on the problem, and 80% of your energy on the solution. Stick to this and watch what happens to your life.
Always ask yourself -- "What is my next action?" Your brain will search for a solution.
Your brain's job is to answer your questions. So if you ask your brain a rhetorical question like "Why me?!" The only answer will be "You are worthless, you are cursed!" -- because that was the answer you were looking for -- yes?
WHAT YOU FOCUS ON IS YOUR REALITY. Your brain has no idea what is real or imagined. So if you get hurt once but think about it 1,000 times, your brain suffers it 1,000 times.
I'll prove it to you. Think of the juiciest LEMON you've ever seen. You slice the lemon. It oozes juice. You take the lemon slice and you BITE into it.
What happened? Did you salivate? Because you IMAGINED a lemon in your brain, your BODY REACTED as if it were real. So there is your proof that what you imagine is real.
So thinking about this? If you imagine something horrible happening to you, wouldn't your body think it's real? If you relived a painful situation, wouldn't your body think it's happening again?
Now... if you relive a WONDERFUL MEMORY, wouldn't your mind think you're having another beautiful moment?
So now that you know this, and you still find yourself dwelling on the bad emotions -- it's evidence that you are conditioned to suffering -- because now you have a choice.
This means you have to do some soul searching.
It's time to investigate, face your issues, whatever they maybe. Focusing on wanting friendships, relationships, problems, etc.. is your unconscious need for a distraction from dealing with your repressed pain. People you are with feel the vibe, it's like a radio signal that you can't hide.
It's likely deep seeded self-esteem issues (we all have them).
Be honest with yourself. Read books, or articles online, if seeking therapy is too scary. Self help books on self-esteem.
Focus on the solution, don't dwell on the problem. Burning your energy on the problem will only lead to addiction to depression.
Deal with yourself first, and your true energy will attract the life, the people, the relationship, the things, the love you deserve.
Again, the SECRET TO LIFE: WHAT YOU FOCUS ON IS YOUR REALITY!!
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