“Disclaimer”: I’m not a native English speaker, pardon my mistakes….
This is going to be a LONG post, that is sort of a profile summary and sort of questioning; so if you have time read it please do so and COMMENT, if not move on… no one dies in my post..
So my story isn’t quite as horrible as some of the ones I’ve read here (which makes me feel guilty) but I do wish to ask for help, tips, opinion, rants, anything! I WANT SOME ANSWERS!!! (you can pretty much get an idea that I have no one else to ask since I’m posting this online)
I just want to know, WHAT DO I DO WITH MY LIFE!? (introduce all the swear words you want in that question too, be creative) I see no sense in it; years ago I thought that by this point (I’m 27 years old) in my life I would have some big revelation or at least an idea of what to do, that I would be proud of the human I am and the job I do. But it seems that maybe life is just a collection of simple moments… the truth is that I refuse for it all to be so shallow and useless, for life to be “the sweet collection of memories”, “the happy incandescent moments”… FORGET THAT! I want some meaning, and please don’t tell me go find God, just please don’t! -_-
I have tried: studying, studying really hard and excelling, social work, praying, making new friends, practicing new hobbies, listening to new music, alcohol, praying again, reading, partying, sex, talking, doing more social work, basically all that has sound sorta like it has some logic online, but nothing keeps the void away, something is just not clicking right!
Someone please help me fix me!
To give you an idea of who I am, well…
• I care about fauna more than I do about a load of humans (sorry if you dislike that statement, but I am trying to stick to the truth)
• I DO like my job (weird I know) and no I don’t work in anything related to nature or vegetarianism, neither am I a vegan.
• Everyone describes me as NICE (ugh! EPIC FAIL), thoughtful, helpful, funny, trustworthy, witty, slightly crazy, active and a whole lot of other positive aspects, basically I should have a zillion REAL friends or be a Saint. Guess what? I don’t have 1 close friend and I’m certainly no saint.
• I don’t understand why people like me (I don’t hate myself, but I don’t think of me as the infomercial people introduce me as) I think I’m as ordinary as cereal.
• I like sports, practicing them, NOT watching them!
• I’ve practiced (only mentioning the ones I stuck to for more than two years the list IS longer): tennis, speed skating, artistic skating, street hockey, swimming, squash, mountain biking, running,
• Tried and hated: dancing classes x 3 times during different points of my life (I’m really bad at it and I’ve decided that I won’t keep trying that), volleyball (funny thing is I was part of the volleyball team, but I HATED it)
• I LOVE MUSIC, all sorts, several artists, genres.
• I don’t criticize other people’s taste in music, if you like karaeokeing (don’t know how to spell that) to the Teletubbies, Good for ya!
• Babies freak me the hell out, and I always think when I see a woman with one (“well you’re fucked, goodddbyyee freedooom”)
• I’m not broke, nor am I rich
• I love dogs
• Thinking about music or my dog are two things that will make me smile regardless of the situation I’m in.
• I don’t consume pot, crack, LSD, heroin (I’m not going to post a list, get the point I DON’T do them) I also don’t plan on ever doing them, I hate that because of them I get treated like a thug in other countries
• I love candy, not cakes and I guess homemade stuff (I mean I do like those) but by candy I mean anything by Willy Wonka, artificially flavored, with flavor names that make your brain say: “Wait what?”
• I love horror movies
• Hobbies I tried and dropped: violin (5 years), pottery class, gardening, book clubs, painting, stainless glass mosaic thingy, writing, basketball, softball, ballet (haven’t quit it yet but I will, boyy do I suck big time at that)
• I wish I had a master’s degree (doctorate wouldn’t hurt either, but one step at a time)
• I wish I had friends
• I wish I had people to talk to about nothing online
• I wish I were passionate about something
• I wish I knew with all the specifics what I want
• I wish I were incredible at something
• I wish I were intelligent and wise
• I don’t grasp the concept of one idea per bullet point hence I suck at making lists
• I’m really bad at describing myself
So there, that’s kinda me.
My life hasn’t been awful but PLEASE TELL ME: What’s the fucking point of it all!? I think I’ve tried a good amount of things and stuck to them enough to say, I just don’t get what the hell living is all about.
Please suggest me something because I‘m so tired of trying to fill time with something, I’m short on ideas! For crying out loud I joined ballet! BALLET!!! I don’t understand/ feel anything hen dancing…
Just help me out please.
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@ifihadapussy
go fucking suck your mite cock, dickmonger
I've been thinking a lot about this, life. Although I haven't managed to figure my life out, we can share our experiences and thoughts if you like, youngduan@hotmail.com
You say you like your job yet imply you're not proud of your job and you want a master's. It's a good place to start with your aspirations. You also wish you had friends... another place you could work on is cultivating your relationships. You could try and slow down, instead of trying out every activity you can think of you could focus on a few that you see as most important.
Imagine yourself on your deathbed. Would you be happy with how you lived your life? If not, why not?
Can I just point out to you that you, as we all are, are a human being. This is your lot in life - to live, feel pain and the general angst of existence. I'm not trying to be clever here, this is simply how it is. If you're lucky enough to find love in your short time here on earth, then embrace that with all the passion you can muster.
If, like me, you're doomed to walk the earth alone (I was married for a while, but you get the general idea), then walk your lonely path with a smile on your face. Remember, you only have 80-odd years to do your thing.
Make it count! Make every day your last!! To put this into perspective, and I don't mean to bring you down, but I've now buried a brother and two parents. All three of them would have urged me to get out there and do whatever makes me happy - and I do, although in my case that's generally getting drunk, failing to pick up random women in bars and getting arrested by the law, but whatever floats your boat.
I joke of course, but I hope my message gets through to you. Be happy and DO SOMETHING!!! The ground is a cold mother, and you'll be there soon enough. Live life while you can and for ffs get off the bloody internet and do it!!.
xxx
But, hey, I'm 54 and have neither of these things.
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