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The Future Is So Dim

Posted by OnlyGoingDown at April 16, 2012
Tags: 2012 April  Money  Philosophical

I know they say you don't really know what tomorrow might bring, but what if you can analyze the variables relatively reasonably? What if computers everywhere do that for you regardless of "what tomorrow might bring." I'm getting older and I've never had a truly good job. I had a decent job at one point that offered a lot of freedom, but didn't even pay me enough to afford my own apartment. 't one point, I was in grad school for a really great career, but something horrible happened to me that ended my career path. Now all the training that I have in that field is of no use because nothing matters unless one is licensed in doing those actual things. The skills really don't apply elsewhere. But when I was pursuing the career, I ran myself into massive debt because I knew I could pay it off in time when I finally started my career. Now, it's like I've not only run up debt, but wasted countless years in school as well on skills that nobody really wants. My credit rating is shot and I've officially tapped out of money. I'm way overeducated but can't get a job doing virtually anything other than waiting tables. I apply to jobs all the time that seem like they should be begging people to fill them because they're so bad, only to find out 300 people are being considered for the same job with lower expectations; a humiliating thought considering the often horrid working conditions and barely subsistence wages. And, literally, I can see no way this will ever change in the future. I could go back to school, but with my credit rating shot, i couldn't get a loan to do so. I can't see how I can get in the front door for most crap jobs because they always wonder why I don't have more experience at my age, and when I explain that I spent nearly a decade chasing a career in another field that I can no longer do, they simply shrug. And as debt mounts and I have less and less ability to take care of basic necessities (car insurance, food, phone, etc), little things pop up that seem to just set me back. For instance, I got a ticket for a traffic violation because the state mailed my renewal notice for my car tag to an old address that never got forwarded. That ticket caused me to lose consideration for a job that had extreme insurance requirements and background checks that I was otherwise super perfect for. I know I should've take care of the tag, but I had just moved not too long before and wasn't exactly sure how the system worked here. Besides, it's just an example of a myriad of little things that add up to put me lower and lower with virtually no way to get out.

The one bright spot is that I have a rocking girlfriend that is a truly good woman that offers her unconditional love and support. She's truly great. But because this pattern has been going on so long, I feel like she deserves so much better because she is so great. She deserves nice things. She deserves to not have to worry so much about bills because of her own crap job. She shouldn't have to pay for meals all the time. In short, she's so great that she deserves ten times more than me at least. If I was at my absolute best, she'd deserve better. At what I consider my absolute worst, it's not even a question. I wonder when she'll wise up. Everyone has a breaking point.

By far, the worst part of the whole experience is hearing the armchair philosophies of the job market and life in general. I have one friend that talks about "being a man" and how he pulled himself up by the bootstraps, all done with no realization that his bootstraps apparently lead right to an entry level position in his father's company. So many people give me the ol Nike "You just need to do it" remark and I want to strangle them. I had a friend that lost his wife and was depressed. It never occurred to me to tell him getting over it was just a matter of needing to do it. Ultimately, you come face to face with people spouting nonsense to make themselves feel better that has little resemblance to reality, and then, that makes you disgusted with the average person you meet doing a job that you know probably thinks the same way even though they likely got their job through their mother knowing somebody or something. I don't begrudge anybody being happy and being a success; rather, I just wish they'd either offer real advice about practical matters or keep their nonsense to themselves about stuff that is really about judging others to make themselves feel okay.

Life sucks.


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Similar Entries:
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Fuck Life December 5, 2010
life sucks November 29, 2010



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