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Trying to make it...In a fucked up world

Posted by pee at April 16, 2012
Tags: 2012 April  Attitude

I learned how to be sad and bitter at an early age,

Raised by an immigrant mother in Miami(i have no papers my self) It was hard growing up with 1 mom and 3 kids and being poor.

My mom somehow manage to fix her legal status but it didn't help much her kids.
Money's always been the main issue.
I've started drinking at 14 and smoking weed and obtained all this bad habits really early.
I had to sell drugs and steal as a kid to help my mom out and buy my own things, GOt arrested 5 times and went away for 5 months at the age of 18.
I seen my mom cry every night before. It really made me a numb person.
I had my ex abort my baby after she cheated on me last year. Had another girl cry wolf pressing charges on me for rape,cause i was dating another girl.
SO I Got no faith in women due my past fucked up relationships.
My dad always cheated on my mom and i deeply resent him for that so it seems to me like LOVE IS JUST PAIN or LOVE is not real, he left the picture when i was young and recently came back like it's all okay, still we are all unhappy.
And as much as i care for my family there is no love connection between us.
I've felt lonely all my life, i have a social life and friends and still feel alone when i'm with them.
My life has become a void, i feel empty 50%of the time, the 50% that i'm not high or drunk...

Now you might be sitting in front of your computer living of your daddy's wallet holding a regular job with the iphone, thinking your life sucks, but does it?

I did not have half the opportunities you've probably had and I'm still trying to make the best decisions for my life and my family's all these years when it actually caused me screw my life early.
I do have a record now, and still my residency havnt kicked in, im tired of selling drugs, and having to look constantly over my back, im tired of living this life style of illegal activities, I'm not afraid of anything at this point and as long as i breathe i will do whatever it takes to make my life better.
Even if the world is against me and all the statistics say i will end up dead, i already am.


Votes:

Similar Entries:
whats up with this world. March 6, 2012
Whats Wrong With This "Earth" April 22, 2011
discusting world February 23, 2012
The world is fucked up April 28, 2012
the world is screwed and so fucked up. April 19, 2010


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Comments:
By feint-left.myopenid.com at 16,Apr,12 09:32

I commend how hard you've fought in your life given your circumstances. I hate how people capable of working as hard as you can be kept down so much. I hate how you've had such bad experiences with women in the past, I truly hope you can find a nice girl in the future who can love you for who you are. I hope you don't turn into your father though, if you do find another girl do your best to stay true to her.

I really hope your life gets better soon.


If you need to talk I'm at feint_left@hotmail.com


By anonymous at 16,Apr,12 09:59

Good Luck.


By hope at 16,Apr,12 14:07

Hi...Its really sad to hear this...but you know there are stories more sad than this? There are people fighting with Cancer...with all the money in the world but no days live...do you know there are kids born in rich families who die the next day? The fact that you are alive is a hope..a hope that things may turn good some day...i know whatever happened was bitter enough to make you rough...but you know what is right and what is beautiful..no? You know it because you deserve it some day...but you'll have to work for it...for happiness...for positivity..for beauty of life...which can not come from anywhere else..or any other person...but from within you! And remember the key to true love is to love yourself and the beauty hidden in you...that is how good girls get all the love in the world from dear...don't loose hope...I know you can make a difference in your life and in your world...have faith in yourself...

Smiles,
Hope!


By anonymous at 16,Apr,12 15:06

Perhaps instead of spending money on weed, and alcohol, you could have spent it on something better. Maybe instead of cheating on your girlfriend, you could have been with her and she wouldn't have felt the need to ahve an abortion. Perhaps you are your own worst enemy. I was abused, I was poor, I was a single Mom, and I made it. Quit making excuses and blaming everyone else for your choices.


By anonymous at 16,Apr,12 17:53

I ust want to say that you seem like a really good person who wants to live life right and you have just had a shit hand of cards dealt to you. I wish you all the best in the world. Just don't give up. The world needs strong people like you. Also, I agree it is hard to trust people, women or men, actually. But there is love. It's hard to find but it exists out there. I can relate to you and I can just say I am trying to just be the person who is good, you know, like Ghandi says, "be the change you want to see in the world." But, anyway, please don't give up cause you're a strong man and you're alright. You have every right to be pissed off.


By anonymous at 16,Apr,12 18:33

No sympathy, you are pathetic . Buying drugs and you say you cant support your family or what not , thats yout faukt buddy you swear your life is super hard when their are people that dont even have a fucking hoise and those same people get abused physically and emotionally forvno reason . I was in a similar spot wothout the drugs , instead of sitting on your computer talking about how bad your life is get out and make better of it and make smarter decisions . I have no respect for you after the daddy's wallet part . I lol'd at the rape part though , hope you die youn g !


By anonymous at 16,Apr,12 19:06

Just because I was born a little bit more priveleged does not mean I don't have a right to be sad ok. Sure your story is a sad one but just because other with flashy technology does not necessarily mean that they are mentally alright. No one acts the same in public and by themselves.


By anonymous at 16,Apr,12 19:09

To they comment two post above. Shut the hell up. You sicken me. The author has had the guts to tell their story. If you life is so pointless that you have to make everyone else feel bad then maybe you don't deserve a way to voice your opinions


By at 17,Apr,12 04:21

Mad respect to you dealer. I am in a similar situation, just replace drugs with burglary and armed robbery. I can empathize, and i have respect. But remember, dont trust nobody, because you sell drugs just as fast as i would rob you. Commentors go ahead and call me scum. Just dont let me know where you are, im sure your T.V. and your i pod have a good resale value. And you would not call no one scum with a gun in your face. And besides, its not like people like us WANT to do this.
By anonymous at 19,Apr,12 05:45

you are a fucken ignorant, worthless scumbag who doesn't know what decent living is. Robbing off of people to survive another day is just niggardly deed. Shut the fuck up you stupid mongrel and die! The world will be a better place to live in without your lowly kinds fucking us up day by day


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