I learned how to be sad and bitter at an early age,
Raised by an immigrant mother in Miami(i have no papers my self) It was hard growing up with 1 mom and 3 kids and being poor.
My mom somehow manage to fix her legal status but it didn't help much her kids.
Money's always been the main issue.
I've started drinking at 14 and smoking weed and obtained all this bad habits really early.
I had to sell drugs and steal as a kid to help my mom out and buy my own things, GOt arrested 5 times and went away for 5 months at the age of 18.
I seen my mom cry every night before. It really made me a numb person.
I had my ex abort my baby after she cheated on me last year. Had another girl cry wolf pressing charges on me for rape,cause i was dating another girl.
SO I Got no faith in women due my past fucked up relationships.
My dad always cheated on my mom and i deeply resent him for that so it seems to me like LOVE IS JUST PAIN or LOVE is not real, he left the picture when i was young and recently came back like it's all okay, still we are all unhappy.
And as much as i care for my family there is no love connection between us.
I've felt lonely all my life, i have a social life and friends and still feel alone when i'm with them.
My life has become a void, i feel empty 50%of the time, the 50% that i'm not high or drunk...
Now you might be sitting in front of your computer living of your daddy's wallet holding a regular job with the iphone, thinking your life sucks, but does it?
I did not have half the opportunities you've probably had and I'm still trying to make the best decisions for my life and my family's all these years when it actually caused me screw my life early.
I do have a record now, and still my residency havnt kicked in, im tired of selling drugs, and having to look constantly over my back, im tired of living this life style of illegal activities, I'm not afraid of anything at this point and as long as i breathe i will do whatever it takes to make my life better.
Even if the world is against me and all the statistics say i will end up dead, i already am.
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I really hope your life gets better soon.
If you need to talk I'm at feint_left@hotmail.com
Smiles,
Hope!
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