LIFE SUCKS

Is my mum a cow or is it just me?

I thought I'd try this as a way to vent out my feelings. I am 22 years of age I moved out of home when I was 18 (pretty standard) but over a period of 4 years fell into rapid decline financially, emotionally and physically. I owe it to my mum for letting me come back home but things have gone downhill since then as well. My mother is a narcisistic, career obsessed hypocrit, I feel that the only reason she let me come back is because she needs to feel in control of others to feel good about herself. Her face looks worn and miserable and everytime I try to have a decent conversation with her she immediately snaps at me as though she is looking for a fight.

I do have dreams and aspirations but I cannot talk with her about them because she will always find a reason to cast doubt on me instead of trying to encourage me with positive thinking. Every afternoon she does the same routine which involves sitting in her chair like it's a throne with a glass of wine in her hand and with her laptop on her lap, when I walk by she will glare at me and then start barking orders at me while telling me that I can't do anything right. While I am living with her I pay my share of the rent but my sister who is 21 and used to sleep over 5 nights a week never paid anything and constantly kept asking for money to buy cigarettes.

As pathetic as it may sound I do feel like I have backed myself into a corner as she asserts so much control over me. I am scared to have friends over or to introduce her to a girl I've been dating because she tends to use these things as 'fuel' in arguements to embarrass me, in year 9 of my schooling a naked photo of me found it's way into the hands of another student, a photo which my mother took as a 'practical joke' even to this day she denies it and suspects that I have swept it under the rug.

On a positive note I do have a steady job and am currently studying, I do these things and while learning how to block out her 'poisonous' msgs.