Hi. I'm 22 years old and I'm from New England. I live at home with my parents, I have no college degree, I work part-time at the front desk of a behavioral health office, and I am depressed. I grew up being told how much better I was than everybody else; i went to private schools and the teachers constantly told my parents how smart i was and how i never behaved. nobody ever thought to get me tested for learning disabilities (or maybe they did, but preferred to keep be oblivious to my shortcomings) until I took a class called "disabilities, diagnoses, and interventions" at the local community college 2 summers ago. Since then, it has been an almost constant battle with the powers that be to garner the necessary support, medication, diagnoses, and encouragement to keep me moving forward. In spite of my diagnosis, my dad still doesnt accept that I have any psychopathology and pretty much blames me for the fact that I still live at home/aren't enrolled in college, etc. As a result we don't speak much. Not for lack of trying; I have spent the entire year trying to get my mental health in order and fix my relationship with my dad. But it seems like the two are mutually exclusive; the more my diagnosis informs my modes and methods of existence the more my dad withdraws. If I'm not going to excel in the conventional pathways for success, it seems my dad would rather have me not exist at all.
I'm sitting in my bed right now on easter sunday, feeling particularly down and shitty. I didn't celebrate easter, or passover, because my family has no interest in me. They don't set a place for me at the table, and nobody seems to care. I have told them numerous times that as much as I want to feel good and keep on keepin on, I consistently think of killing myself as the only way out of my misery. I have 2 friends, and they're not allowed in my house (per my dad's rules... because we stay up later at night than he does). Fuck it i'm not even going to finish this pointless fucking melodrama. My life sucks. I have no friends, no future, no privacy nor creative space. I want to die. That is all. | |
I have chronic pain, I am in agony 99% of my life. I'm allergic to pain relief, so I just have to deal with it and scream and cry. I wan't voluntary Euthanasia. There is nothing that can be done. I can't take it anymore :'( Please live your life. I wish all I had was an emotional problem. I have emotional problems too, but coupled with back sciatica, life is Hell, Literally. There are always people worse off than you. Someone just got blown up in a 3rd world country, they are still alive and are in agony, dying slowly. Live for them. Live for me.
Your family are merely the vessels for your birth. That's it. If they're not there for you, they're not worth your time. There are people who will be there for you. People who WILL help you. Life Lines. Get away from your pathetic parents. I moved out when I was 19, no money, no car, casual job, constantly in pain (being told by parents how pathetic I was, man up (tho I'm female), etc). You WILL figure it out. You WILL get through this. Use your pain for good, let it fuel your escape to a new life. Good Luck.
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