People need to realise that suicide is not the right decision. Life is worth living. Most of the people after hearing my story say that I am a really strong person. I don't know if I'm strong, I'm just happy that my past is over. From my 13th to my 16th year I've had the most terrible childhood ever. My mentally sick dad was sexually abusing me in front of my mom's eyes. Then my mom died. He got arrested. I haven't seen him till then and I don't want to. I went to live at my aunt's house. She accepted me, but I was like a slave for her. I was bullied at school, not only by my school mates, even by teachers. I was broke inside. Nobody loved me. I hated people so much. I was cutting ofcourse, I've had anorexia and one day I woke up in the hospital. I could've had a heart attack at any moment. I couldn't wait for that. I wanted to die so desperatly but I wasn't brave enough to kill myself. Somehow the doctors saved my life. I was in a big depression and I was bipolar. I shaved my head and I went out late night and just scream until I fall asleep on the street. My aunt didn't want to have anything with me so she sent me to a mental hospital. I stayed there for 2 years. You can't imagine how hard it was for me. When I got out my nerves got in place for a little. I didn't have anywhere to go. I was sitting on the street all night and I would cry myself out until I fall asleep. I didn't have anything to eat. I've had no choise, I had to go back to my aunt. I went there and I begged her just to give me a bed for sleeping and I'd be her slave forever. After long time convincing her, she accepted somehow. It would have changed nothing if I'd sit in the room all day and be in a depression. The worst was in my past, and my past was gone. It was a different day. Life goes on and I had to go with it. I started looking for a job. I was a toilet cleaner in one restaurant. But whatever. I only needed money to buy food for me, to survive. Again I had no friends. No boyfriend. No love was around me. I was so hopeless about that, I just knew that nobody will ever like me or love me. I will never have a husband or my own kids. That hurted me. One night I went out all alone to take a walk with myself. Then an enormous dog started chasing me and I'm afraid of dogs and I started running. I heard a whistle and the dog stopped chasing me. I turned around and I saw the dog's owner. It was like a 30 yr old man. He apologized me and I started crying. He asked me what's the problem and I told him that nobody has ever been that gentle to me. Nobody has ever said "I'm so sorry. I really apologize miss." to me. He smiled and he asked me for my whole story. We found out rhat we have much things in common. He wanted to see me again and I wanted too. He was my only friend then. We started going out more often. There was something between us, we both were feeling it but none of us wanted to admit that. We were going like that maybe for 9 or 10 months. My life finally was getting better. I couldn't believe that. And finally he broke the ice and he admited that he's inlove with me. I was too. That was one month ago. I'm 24 yrs old now and he's 32 and yesterday he proposed me marriage. I can't believe that I'm finally getting married after all those bad times and big depressions. I can't believe that someone accepted me even with the terrible past that I went through. I made some new friends too, and they're really nice.
Ok so my point wasn't telling you my story. I just wanted to tell everyone that everytime after the rain comes the sun. I was so helpless, I was on the edge of life but I fight for what I want and I get that. Finally I'm feeling happines, and I must tell you that it's a WAY BETTER feeling than sadness. Never lose hope, but also fight for what you want. It depends on you how your life will be. You can't just sit in front of the computer all day and write your "life sucks" story. Get your butt outta your chair and start doing something in your life to make it better. Life sucks if you want it to suck. Suicide is not the right decision. If everyone start kill themselves for every problem they have there won't be a single person on earth. I'm just trying to help and I'm telling you my life now is a heaven. From hell to heaven, cause I fought for it. Don't give up. | |
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