Im not here to whine or have anyone feel sorry for me.. I just wanna let someone know why Im getting of this ride called life. My childhood was pretty bad, Dad was a drunk,beat my mom all the time. I still remember hearing her screaming as he beat the hell out of her pretty regular.. I was about 5 at the time... Mom wasnt much of a mom. I was unhappy most of my childhood,yeah I drank,did dope all that. ran off when I was 14,lived on the streets,stole lied ,cheated,sold my body, whatever I had to do to survive. Joined the army at 17,couldnt,wouldnt follow orders so the threw me out. I worked made decent money, was doing ok for a few years than i got hurt on the job, messed up my back bad. couldnt walk for over a year. I was 28 years old. Then the surgerys started & the doctors,pain meds,depresion.. long story short, I am now 45 years old. Divorced twice, no kids. Been disabled over 15 years. Stuggling but getting by. Now im 45,in constant pain,cant work,walk much,or have much of a sociasl life. Doctors say that as I get older It will get worse. Say I will be in a wheelchair.possibly in diapers & In Pain. Well I think I have gottin the shitty end of the stick all my life but I tried to carry on & did so for many years.. I dont blame anyone. Its just the way it is.. But now the ride of life is making me sick. All I see ahead is alot of pain & having someone wipe my ass for me. I think I will pass on that part. So to all who read this, I just want to say, In my opinion I belive,think that death is just a part of life. I also Do not believe in some almighty being looking out for each & every one of us. Im not sure whats on the other side but I am willing to bet that its better than this world of shit... If not that I guess I am doomed to be miserable forever. Either way I am not afraid.. I am just done. Thanks for reading my story. I once heard that when the fear of living becomes greater than the fear of dying some people take there own life. I can undestand that but as Ive said, I am Not afraid. I am just gonna skip the last few chapters of thia sad,unforfilling,painfull,story. May you all find peace & happyiness & be good to one another.. I must prepare for my departure as I am ready for some rest. | |
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