18 soon to be 19. Life hardly lived but yet far to lived at the same time. I've been depressed for years, waiting for things to change but they only get worse. So here I am ranting to a computer screen because for some reason it seems better then leaving my thoughts bouncing back and fourth in my brain.
2011 was a most different year for me. I fell into drugs and tangled myself in a lust of ecstasy, which soon became a nightmare, as a result I quit drugs and moved on with my life. However, months later when my life became more stressful and I felt I had things to live up to I developed anxiety. Which, was another unpleasant thing all of it's own.
I soon began going out less and less. I was afraid to leave my house and dropped nearly all my courses. Leaving the safety of my home brought on panic, lightheadedness, shortness of breath ect. With my life being crippled in such a way I soon went to see a psychiatrist, who then prescribed me anti-depressants.
The anti-depressants proved to help a nice bit. The worst symptoms of my anxiety were gone and I begin to no longer want to sulk in my solitude and this leaves me to where I am now. My anti-depressants are making me less depressed and more depressed at the same time. Now that I want to go out and do things I realize how few "friends" I have if any. I am so alone and I don't know how not to be.
I have been shy all my life and will continue to be so. I don't make friends easy or hold on to friendships easily. I feel as if I will remain alone and depressed all my life. " I'm scared of death and I'm scared of living" so what else is there left for me to do? | |
New Comment