Seen Fight Club? If you haven't, do. That is what this website feels like, in a good way and bad way. Just breezing through because I feel like shit, then seeing others with similar shit. Then seeing others with deeper shit. All I know is reading through all this shit and talking about my shit makes my shit a little less shitty. Life rolls up and down, you just have to hang on. You have to sometimes say "Fuck it, I am about to lose 90% of what I think my life consist of, of that 90 I wanted to lose 80 anyway, then the 10% that remains you can really begin to rebuild. I say this, I'm not doing this. The first step in all of this is deciding if your (I am) ready to throw most of it away. I am almost positive that if I could, I would do a trial separation. 6 months needed, a year wanted. I would love to have some time and some space to see what I feel as far as my mate relationship. I can clearly recall in the beginning when it didn't feel right, but I thought may judgments were off and I needed to grow up and pick wisely. Wisely doesn't hold you at night, wisely does protect but at what cost? So now here I sit, built up questions, aggression, and so many other things that build up year after year. Life's obligations. Predictions of life - that I can't do it on my own and what if I need to just stay here. I think if I could leave, even for a bit maybe he'd see? Maybe if I left I would see. Do we all have too hi of standards? There are some standards that seem very basic to me, that if you deprive of others expect all to fall apart. | |
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