Should I stay in the relationship?
I am so stressed out as my boyfriend likes to control my life. He does not want me to meet my friends at all. We are about to get married. He asks me to contact all the vendors but he does not look at any of the vendors' replies. However, he (or his family) is the one who makes the decisions. Have you ever heard of a wedding where the bride cannot make decisions? Shouldn't the wedding be for both and not just for one person? He said he does not like my friends and family. He once said that he doesn't want my family and friends to be at the wedding. We have been dating for almost 9 years. Things are usually great if we are not arguing. I tried to avoid arguments by compromising on my side only. I stopped seeing my (girl) friends. He does not like anything that I have chosen. He is very picky but he pretends to let other people pick first. He then rejects all the ideas. He has answers in his mind already so it doesn't matter what I say. He only listens to his mom and himself only then what's the point of having me there. They even have restrictions on the style of wedding gown. He acts like a manager and tells people (including me) to do things for him. I always feel that he takes me for granted. He said more than once to cancel the wedding. I don't know what to do anymore and I feel so depressed. I am not like the other brides who look and feel happy before their weddings. I even started to doubt if I am making the right decision by staying with him. I still love him but I am so unhappy sometimes. I am so stressed out now as we just had a big argument again. | |
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It sounds like you have got it tough. I want you to do yourself a favor, okay? Remember when you first met this guy. Was it love at first sight? Was it slow and eventually grew into your relationship? Now, think back to the details of this guy's personality. What was it that hooked you? What did he do that made you think "hey, I want to be with this guy"?
And now that you're thinking about what he was like when you first met him and first got into your relationship with him, think about what he is like now. Is he the same? Granted, everyone does change (no matter what other people say). So, maybe he has a fiew more ticks than he did before, but does he still have that charm that first attracted you? Can he still be the wonderful guy he is supposed to be for you?
Now, think about how often he isn't that guy. Is it a ratio of: 2 days good to 2 days bad? Or is it worse or better?
If this to-be husband is good to you six days out of the week, then he is worth it. I mean, you should do everything you can to keep him. But if you are less sure about where the line falls, if you can't say how many times in a week he hurts you (intentionally or not), then he really shouldn't be the guy you marry.
I know this can either mean two things to you: you have a man you need to go hug, kiss, and tell "I love You" to, or you have to go and tell him that, indeed, the wedding is off.
Don't marry a guy that doesn't many you happy, Honey. Just don't do it. You need to be better to yourself than that.
Whatever you do, good luck. Really.
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