LIFE SUCKS

I hate life

I am 29 born and raised in Norfolk Va. Never had a good relationship with my mom all she does is judge me and cut me down for every move I make if she don't agree with it. She preaches at me about God 24-7 and I love the Lord but sometimes a person don't wanna hear that. Its like that is all she talks about 24-7. My dad died of cancer about 4 years ago and he was the only one that really understood me and loved me. He was not my biological father but he took care of me like I was his own . My real father was a drunk abusive ass hole I met him 2 times in my life and I hate the man. I got pregnant at 17 with the first of my 3 children and married their father who in turn abused me mentally , emotionally and then physically. he beat me at 8 months pregnant nearly killed me and my unborn baby. So I left and ended up in a homeless shelter. I had no where to go but back to the mother who is so critical of me. I ended up becoming hooked on prescription drugs and I am still hooked. I hate waking up in the morning and most days I wish to die. The only reason I have not taken my life is because of my fiance of 3 years. He is the only one I can turn to and be honest with and he doesn't put me down or push me away. I don't have to wear a fake smile for him he knows my pain and the inner demons I fight inside of my self every day. I used to enjoy life but now I get no enjoyment from any thing. I have friends but they are fake and really don't know or even have a clue of what I feel on the inside I have to wear a fake smile just to be kool with them. There is so much more to my story but this is just a short summary so I just hope and pray that one day I can truly smile again and feel hapiness. My heart goes out to each and every person that has posted on this site I know your pain and the darkness you feel and you are not alone and it feels sort of good to know I am not the only one that had lived in hell......silently suffering in VA.....