Where to start... I just cut myself again, I thought I was done with that. I'm 16 and my entire life has sucked. I had a great time back in 2009 but now its back to the same old shit. I'm depressed with anxiety and I'm forced to take a shit load of medication. My mother is an alcoholic and my father, who I adored, kicked me out over a year ago. I fell into drugs after that and it made life easier...
Shit happened in my social life and it became too much for me to handle. I tried to kill myself as I felt so useless, unwanted, hated. I was caught just before becoming unconscious and dying. I willingly went into a crisis center program that lasts two weeks. I quit drugs by my own will during the program and because I was using that as a self-prescribed medication for my pain, my depression worsened.
I started an anti-depressant that had bad side-affects and I reattempted suicide. Once again I failed and began cutting myself as a coping skill. I never returned to school due to anxiety and I started a cyber-school that I can graduate from in less then a year rather than in four. I focus on that.
I have no friends left. I went from the most notorious and "popular" stoner to the most shit-talked girl in my high school in 3 days.
I don't talk to anyone anymore, just my mother and her husband when I have to. I volunteer at the local animal shelter but unfortunately I can't live there.
My mother is always miserable and loves taking her bullshit out on me. It's always my fault. She wants to make a bet on something and we do and she loses... my fault. Our new puppy pisses on the bed... my fault. The list goes on.
Every day something goes wrong in her shit life and she takes it out on me. I lost everything. I do nothing. My life consists of school, the necessary food and beverage, the shelter, and sleep.
I used to have it all. I blew it.
There's so much more but I don't want to bore you with my whole story.
If anyone thinks they want to commit suicide, please email me. This email was set up specifically for me helping others because I know what it's like. I've tried twice and Hell, maybe I'll succeed next time.
samanthanicolemarie@gmail.com | |
The Psalmist cried out, "No man cares for my soul." [Psalm 142:4]. He was experiencing the loneliness of isolation from other people, and the feeling that those around him were pursuing their own interests rather than showing genuine concern for his soul.
People are often pursuing their own interests and desires, but the lesson we must learn is that people are not our source. In the midst of your isolation, you can turn to Christ and discover that His love truly does satisfy. Jesus understands loneliness and rejection. He experienced isolation from people. Because he understands, he is able to bring acceptance and love.
Christ brings you love, acceptance, and intimate communion with the God of love. With Christ, you are not alone. He conquers your loneliness by coming to dwell within you. Loneliness is removed by the presence of the indwelling Christ.
There is precious communion with Christ, when a lonely person discovers that the love of Christ is real and satisfying. There is an old saying, "Blessed are the homesick, for they shall come home." Loneliness and isolation are signs of homesickness, which can only be healed by coming home to Christ.
Christ makes us whole. His love makes us whole, and out of the overflow of Christ's love within us we can then show love and compassion for those around us. Out of the overflow of His love and acceptance for you, which heals your loneliness, you can show love and caring towards those around you.
He knocks at the door of your heart; the presence of Christ is real. But He must be invited into your heart, into the center of your being.
Receive Him; receive His cleansing and forgiveness and love. Allow Him to have the control of your life in a genuine surrender, and His loving presence will fill you, removing loneliness and unrest. May the peace of Christ fill you now!
A Prayer of Surrender:
Dear Lord Jesus, please fill me with your love, and wash away all my sins. I surrender my heart and life to you. I ask you to receive me and make me whole.
Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins, to cleanse me and forgive me. Thank you for dying on the cross for me, to make me a child of God. I turn away from all my sins, with all my heart.
I receive you, Lord Jesus, as the Lord and Savior of my life. I ask you to rule in my heart and life from now on. I ask you to fill me with your loving presence, and guard me with your divine protection.
I ask you to strengthen me and help me, to live for you from now on. I ask you to fill me with love so that I can love other people with a pure love. Fill me with love so that I can love you with all of my heart. Amen.
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