LIFE SUCKS

My life is pathetic

My life could be better. Where do I begin...

Well I tend to keep to myself, especially in school. I had a group of friends who were also kind of unpopular. I guess you could say that I was in the unpopular group in high school.

There was this girl who I had a crush on for 7 or so years. I never had the courage to talk to her. During senior year in high school I was in the school news club with my friend... who wasn't really a social smart person. The idea of the club is to pretty much make fake news and such, it was fun. The girl I loved for 7 years was also in the club. My friend would tell me that I wouldn't stand a chance with her because I don't have the sack to talk to her. And unfortunately I think he was right. But fortunately for me my group and her group merged because I was stuck in a group of two (me and my friend of course). During the merge we talked to each other a little and I thought she liked me at first. But then later I found out that she had a boyfriend. After that I felt really depressed. It was hard for me to get out of bed everyday. Sometimes I would cry myself to sleep because I think for the rest of my life I would feel alone.

After finding out that the love of my life was interested in another guy, my friend would tell me that he was right and that I will always be alone. After that the rest of the people in my social group would start saying the same thing. In a sense they betrayed me.

I graduated from high school and summer came. I didn't hang out with anyone. I was alone the whole time. I would spend most of my days playing facebook games and surfing youtube.

Then college came along. It was my freshman year. Personally I thought they were the best years of my life but that's when you appreciate the few fun days I had there.

Well Ill start off with the good stuff because it's hard for me to keep talking like this.

Well, I made a couple friends these friends included my roomate sort of. I was a part of the fencing team and I made good friends with them too. They got me drunk once and I felt happy in the end. One of my friends (who didn't betray me but you will find out why I don't talk to him) decided to let me try weed. It felt good and relaxing.

Unfortunately while good things were happening... worse things were happening. I said before that my roomate was considered a friend. Well that's not really true. I am convinced that he is a narcissist. The moment I met him he knew that I was emotionally broken and he would feed off my sadness. He would randomly ask me questions regarding my past. He was also negative, much worse than my old friends who betrayed me. He pretty much would tell me his own sick philosophy of the world. He thinks that most people in the world should die but i wont go into detail. He would give me advice about women even though he has never had a girlfriend himself probably because he is incapable of having and feelings for anyone.

But there is more. One of the other friends I had took his side. This other friend is similar but not extreme. He thought smoking weed was a dumb idea and that most of my feelings I should get over with. both of them would make fun of me for trying drugs. They would say that I fell for peer pressure and that I was weak. I am positive that even to this day they make fun of me behind my back. What I did like about the second friend was that he would always try to argue with my roomate that what he thinks about life is terrible and most people would disagree with him. I usually didn't get involved but when both asked for my opinions I usually went against my roomate. Of course my roomate claims that I only disagree with him because he thinks that I hate him(and he is correct).

The weeks of struggling with my roomate and sometimes the other friend (if you can even call him a friend) made me depressed. The first semester I barely made over a 2.0 GPA so I avoided academic probation. But second semester was too much for me. My roomate was getting worse. I was feeling more and more depressed. I didn't have the fencing club that semester. I felt so depressed I started sleeping through the day. I missed all my classes and eventually I dropped out. What makes me sick is that my roomate was happy about this. Instead of thinking about why I left he could only think about how his dorm is now a single.

I'm not sure how I can make it through life. All the social anxiety is getting to me. I've been seeing a psychiatrist and it seems to help a little but I just get so stressed out over this. There is so much more to but that would make this story too long (not that it already isn't).