I'm a 16 year old kid, Now you people may begin to straight away jump to conclusions but what i'm felling is real and nobody seems to care enough to listen or even help me. My life is a complete mess... I spend my days trying to make myself and others happy, and all the time i just seem to make things worse. For a start, I am truly hated by everybody and i don't even know why. All i ever did in my school is try to friends and now i just get insulted and bullied by everyone. Why? i don't know. I guess im an easy target, However this has been going on for most of what seems to be my life. I've never harmed anyone in anyway and i could never do that because i dont like to hurt people. instead i'd rather just be nice and get on with things. One time a few months ago, i was standing on the field and was attacked by three boys i didnt even know. They pulled my hood over my eyes and pulled the strings tight and knotted them so i couldnt pull my hood don and then they just beat me and ran. They had broken my nose and i was bleeding pretty bad. nobody even wanted to help me. i hid around the shed at the back of the school and just hid. I spend everyday of my life flinching and paranoid, simply because im always getting hurt and beaten by everyone and for what reason? what have i done to deserve this kind of treatment? all i want to do is be alone but no matter what i'm getting hurt for things i havent even done. Today i had an arguement with my parents for revision classes. Because i'm doing some revision in my holidays to pull my grades up for my year 11 exams, my parents straight away think that im doing bad and therefore i must be punished. I've tried for years and years to make them both proud but i end up getting called pathetic and that i always feel sorry for myself. Yes, i do feel sorry for myself. All the time blame, hatred and pain is dished out to me on a regular basis and not one single person seems to care. I cant stand up for myself because i'm genuinely scared of the people i go to school with. I only want to do good for the people i am with. All the time i try to do good. What is wrong with me?? i only want a good life and to spend it with nice people, and what hurts the most is that i fell like im being neglected. All these years have changed me. I have to keep my mouth shut if i dont want to be insulted, i have to stay away from people or i'll get ganged up on, all the cruel jokes that have been played on me leave everyone laughing and me in tears and pain. I'm a walking punchbag. Now i just drink and drink so much alcahol when my parents are out in the hope of trying to cure myself. I've selfharmed so many times and felt nothing but depression. I believe there truly is something wrong with me and i don't love myself. i have no talent and i have no rights in this cruel world. All i do is talk to myself and speak to inaminate objects. They dont do a thing to hurt me. They never have. I honestly feel so hopeless and tired. I almost committed suicide and have been through counselling on numerous occasions. I would run away but i can barely cope and i dont have any money. I'm just so confused as to why this happens to me. Could somebody give me advice? im in desperate need of help and i have to watch over myself or i go insane. i'm just so lonely and so frightened...
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Fuck em all.
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