LIFE SUCKS

I hate my life

I hate my life, I hate it a lot. In fact sometimes I hope some crazed lunatic will try to kill me or I just happen to run into a bunch of gang members in a "dark alley". I just don't have that much to live for right now. I'm never gonna take my life though. Not ever.

I've realized this past week that the sum of all of my problems just sort of piled up at once and I could hardly deal with them without part of my head exploding. (I'm 15)

First of all. I haven't been to work in like six months which is bad because my parents don't like to give me money, in fact they NEVER give me money so I'm out. In fact I need to find one fast. Along with this I have a lot of family problems. My parents hate me, they never want me at home and they never want me with my friends either. They want me to not be with them but not be with someone or people that would make me happy or have fun. Me and my father have never had a meaningful conversation that didn't end with us not talking for a week.

Then one of my best friends create some sort of screwed up nickname for me. I can't escape it anywhere I go. It just irritates me so much that sometimes it takes all my power not to smash the head of the nearest person who says it.

Then I got railed so hard in gym class i dented a steel plated wall with my arm. It hurts so much i could hardly move it without being in pain. It was all retalitation by a bunch of rich boys jocks that thought they were so good in hockey that if someone touched them it would be like checking god. So i checked them and here i am.

Then, to top this pile of shit that is my life, the worst possible thing happened. One of my "friends" and I use that term very loosely made up a rumour about me. Said i like this girl. But the trust is i ACTUALLY do like her. But now i'm too embarrassed to say anything because the people i know that actually are my friends laugh and the girl's friends make jokes and shout everytime I even so much as enter the same goddamn room. This screwed up my whole idea of asking her out and now i think she doesn;t like anymore just because of this. It is really pissing me off because really freaking liked her and now this? GODDAMN I hate my life.

As you see this is pretty much what has transpired over three days, forget one week. I feel like tearing people's hearts out. I feel like busting skulls. I feel like setting fire to buildings and blowing stuff up. Although I am not fully wanting to go to jail. So I need some sort of way out of this. I know I can't fix my arm and the job thing can only really come through applying to places. But the family thing, name thing and the girl thing I know i can fix but what's driving me crazy about all of this. The part that really, really really make me want to climb the empire state building with a giant microphone and yell to all the people in the world. That thing is that life sucks to bad I don't have a clue how to fix it.