LIFE SUCKS

Work Hard? Are you fucking kidding me?

Less of a story and more of a rant with some story.

Poor people understand faith as hope. Rich people use faith as justification for their money/success.

I'm poor but faith seems completely ridiculous. Faith in what, that things get better?

I'm lucky to have a job, I'm also miserable. My medical, school and credit card payments are more than I make. My younger brother committed suicide 5 years ago and my mother died soon after from depression. My Dad hides his finances under my tax return to gather social security.

My car starts most of the time but its about done for. My neighbor smokes two packs a day and the central air blows it straight into my apartment. I'm really tall and skinny so clothes don't fit. I have terrible allergies, asthma and indigestion. I physically feel like shit all the time.

I need to keep my job for medication. Otherwise, I'm out of America. Maybe I am anyway. The spend / work cycle insane. I'm 29, I did a financial analysis today.....In 20 years I will break even. So at 50, I'm back to where I started at 18?!? University and Masters was a bad idea.

I bought into this idea of hard work, school, good job. Will this education / debt gamble work? Maybe for some but not everyone. This is where faith comes in. If you believe, you struggle the 20 years. Maybe the cubicle grind works if you don't die from diabetes first.

Right now...I'm thinking, just walk away. Some jackwagon can buy my stuff, I'll abandon it in a storage locker outside Boise. Just take my mind to another country. Start again. I'm American through and through but I can't hack it here.

Maybe tell me...should I just commit to always being in debt? Does that make it easier? Why work so hard so the owner of the company can eat McDonalds everyday and get fatter? He is not doing anything with his prosperity, not helping others, not even being a cool guy. I just hear him getting fatter everyday along with everyone in my office. Its not good.

Women; some like me. I destroy any relationship because I'm not willing to do this traditional life. It doesn't add up. I can't commit to this and you should know that now. Its not going to work because I'm literally going insane. Hard work pays for the lucky. The unlucky can eat just struggle. The bigger fear....is mo money mo problems. Debt and finance and bills and work work work for some douche is the future regardless of income.

I'll do it different or fail. I'm not sure how. Dead brother, mother; you were emotionally damaged from this grind and it killed you. I'll beat it, no matter how bad things suck. I'll figure it out, find love that gets it, income that avoids greedy ownership.

its not faith that drives me, its because I can.