LIFE SUCKS

ranting about my sex life

I've had sex with about 11 guys, and lost my virginity at the age of 13.

I didn't have much contact with my parents or siblings during my younger years. They moved to another continent when i was about 10, and sent me off to boarding school. My siblings were all about ten years older than me, although only a couple of years apart from each other (3 siblings to be exact).

I take accountability for everything that happened, although I realize that these things were related to how the early stages of my sexual life started. I moved to north america at the age of 13, and had no exposure to sexuality at all, I had never watched porn, and my parents had not given me a talk about it. All I knew at that age was it was sinful before marrriage.

I was very excited once I moved here, I was moving to North America- I had seen mostly good things about it on TV. I hadn't even looked at guys before, but when I got here that was all the girls I hung out with seemed to talk about. (I sound so sheltered lmao). A lot of things I had to learn the hard way, then again who really has it easy right?

I met my 1st 'boyfriend' online, on a website a lot of my friends had. I met him in person, and he demanded oral sex the first time we met. He was a Trinidadian, about 17 and I was barely 13. The 2nd guy I had sex with was 18 years old and I was 13, he was an ex convict. The 3rd guy was about 21, the 4th was a short chinese-carribean guy about 19 when I was 15. I fucked a guy from another highschool that my friend introduced me to, and thought he liked me. I then fucked another guy my age. Then one who was 22 when i was 16, one I thought was my first true boyfriend at the age of 16- he was 19 and we dated for two years. It's not just that they fucked me physically, they would ask me to say glorifying things to them while they did it, and they would tell me about their passions, their hobbies, and I would have to enjoy it, but they wouldn't give any of mine a chance, or just not acknowledge them all together.

I cheated on the boyfriend I dated for 2 years, with a girl- his cousin. I fell in love with her the first time i met her, although he told me she was a slut. I loved her so much that i wouldnt care even if she was a slut, I wanted just to be around her, even if I was just a friend. Unfortunately we fucked when I was under the influence. We don't talk anymore, even though she told me she is bisexual. i think for her it was strictly physical. Ever since then, I've been VERY curious and I've been yearning for women, I feel llike there would be better understanding (although it might nt necessarily be the case).

although many people would see me as very cheery and upbeat, I love to party, and am pretty mature. I have religioius debates, am in university, and try to make my family as happy as I can. The most secret part of my life is the sexual part, I have never been single for too long, and am beginning to feel like this needs to change. I am in a relationship right now, and he seemed very sweet from the start. Now, all his friends are my friends, and I dont have any other friends. Whenever I'm texting someone he gets possessive, complains about the way i talk, look, takes my jokes seriously, buys me presents when I say he shouldnt then complains i dont have a job, ...I just don't know. I feel sometimes i'm being overly negative, and whenever I feel like this I wipe it off, but this time I thought I'd jot it down. What do you think?