I just don't know what to do anymore.
Since 5th grade, I have been struggling a lot. I'm in 8th grade and NOTHING ABSOLUTLEY NOTHING has changed.
In 5th- 6th grade, I had trouble making friends because I was very shy and unattractive. To make it worse, i had these big ears, big feet, and BIG LONG rabbit teeth. I'd get made fun of a lot and trained myself to smile with no teeth. I would dread going to the dentist. It really sucked. I had nobody.
In 7th grade, I had had ENOUGH of this crap with my rabbit teeth so I spent hours and hours and months and months secretly filing my buck teeth down with a nail filer under the covers. It sucked. 7th grade was the worst year of my life though my rabbit teeth were gone. I was so insecure that I came back in 7th grade with TONS of eyeliner and mascara thinking that it would make people think im pretty and be my friend. But as I look back I realize how stupid that was. I would spend break in the bathroom painting the stalls doors with foam soap. I would spend lunch either in the library with no food or in the bath room stall eating my lunch. I had many bad issues with some popular girls who would contstantly make fun of me. I grew this very strange and irritating eye problem. I grew near sighted and every morning when I had to wake up at 6am, my eyes would be BURING READ IRRITATING WATERING ITCHING it sucked. I tried EVERY POSSIBLE SOLUTION TO IRRITATED EYES. I hated my life and my brother would make fun of me because I had no friends.
Now, in 8th grade, I have developed Avoidant Personality Disorder. So I yearn for friends but I am too scared of rejection so I simply avoid it. But sometimes I do try but I look like a fool. I try SO hard to be pretty and to be funny and to be fun. I looked at EVERY SINGLE website for advice, but i still end up with awkward silence between whoever i try to start a conversation with. I still have the SO ANNOYING eye problem. OH ya and My family hates me now because I am boring and mean and depressed because of all that's gone on. I never told a SINGLE THING of what you just read to ANYBODY except you.not my mom. not my dad. not my "bro". NOBODY. ive never told these things to anybody and i know thats a problem but im scared my family will look at me as a loser. so i lie and tell them everything is awesome.
It now March, 27 2012 and I have been praying day and night to my Lord Jesus since 2009 that he would help me and I would finally have a good life. But nothings changed. Go figure. I am So sick and tired of all the annoying hugging a laughing and sleepovers when im the last choice for the PE team. It really just is horrible. Absolutly horrible. And I wish to die. Because I am so done. I have been through hell and back. I have worked my ass off not only trusting that God will help me but took initiative and searched for ways i could make friends and be positive and be funny and be fun and be pretty. But i guess this is all Ill ever be. | |
I mean she probably has a better grasp of how beautiful or ugly she is than you -a person who has never and probably never will see her face ever.
If she thinks that she's ugly and everyone else thinks that she is ugly, then she is probably that ugly... period.
And wtf does sending your love gonna do??? Is it gonna give her money for a boob job or a face lift or a dental appointment or whatever women do to make themselves look beautiful.
I don't want to be rude like truth , but god damn it if your typing advice then type something useful...
Like focus on your studies and family instead of impressing some dipshit retards who have nothing better to do thatn criticize the way you look all day. Maybe then you will get a high profile job and earn alot of money to undego as much surgery as you want, then go back to your childhood friends who will be probably living in a dumpster and return them the favour...Fuck your queen...
Fuck her right up her old , saggy , wrinkly , white-trash ass...
If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself. Don't sit at home w8ing for a miracle to happen.
In my religion -islam- it's said that god will help you , but miracles will not happen so you better get your head out of your ass as soon as possible and do something for yourself and THEN god will reward your hard work.
I mean come on if everyone sits at home praying we'd probably be still living in fucking caves with fires and shit...
...oh, and one other thing, you can't "TRY" to be pretty. You either are, or in your case, are NOT. When a tree pig like you "tries" to be pretty, well, it's like a polished turd. It's still a turd , after all. So, knock it off.
...and try the lighting farts thing at recess....please.
I mean who comes to a website full of depressed people and just shatters the last pieces of dignity, sel-esteem, self-respect, dreams and hope of returning or even starting to live a normal life???
You my fucking friend are a motherfucking genius.
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