hmm..life sucks..sucks major. My life is so messed up I do not know where to start. Maybe quick brief about myself. I am 43year old male who is suffering depression and anxiety disorder. I am under medical care for past 4 years. I have separated with my wife of 7 years over a year ago..Thank God I did separate..otherwise i would probably kill myself long time ago. not that I do not think about it from time to time :(
In past 3 years I have changed jobs 3 times, for various resons.. first I needed something more challenging, then I was let go due some office politcs and economy.. then my next job I lost because of my relationship problems.. now I hear gossips I may loose this job, again. That drives me to depression again. I need stability so bad.
I started to date a nice lady about 8 months ago, but now my relationship is on rocky waters since my gf wants more commitment. I feel it is too early and I feel overwelmed. Beside that I have huge financial dept. For past 15 years I go up and down again with my finances, but I can never free myself from this financial burden. By my calculation it will take probably 6 more years before I will reduce my debt to the level whre I will be able to breath more freely.. Not sure how long it will take to completely pay it out. Belive me.. i was thinking about bunkrupcy too. I do not make much money, but not too little either..Enough to survive, but not enough to dream, enough for payments this month.. may not be enough next..not if I loose a job.
I feel very old..my body aches, I have back pains.. had them for past 20 years. My back muscles spasm sometimes so much due to stress that they cause inflamation. Beside that the spasm affects the spine and causes sometimes nerve pain in my legs or shoulder. It feels as like a burning..and it does not go away fast.. last sometimes for days
..I am a bit over weight not huge, but belly is there. Maybe it is a reason I feel not so energetic, but there is no drive in me to try to loose it..About 4 years ago I was successful to loose 30lbs.and it was my good weight but i gained it all back. I am stressed and then I eat. Can't control it no more.. I pop pills everyday, some for depression and axiety some for high blood
pressure.. yes it is quite a mix.
So I vented a little. Does it make me feel any better? Not really I am in the stage of my life where I realize that it really does not get any better. So far it was a painful life, full of disapointments, some loneliness, betreyal and lots of hard work.
Do I want to continue.. not so sure. I have a daughter and that so far is holding me here... | |
I read your case here, and not that I know anything, but I bet if you started exercising, a lot of that stress your feeling in your body, might go away? I'm certainly not one to point the finger, since I am at least 50 lbs overweight!
I remember carrying a 50 lb bag of flour up some stairs at a restaurant I worked at and I was like "HOLY SHIT" this is heavy!! The weight puts tremendous stress on your body, especially your back, knees, and joints. Which is no doubt contributing to your discomfort?
In any case, trust me, I know how hard it is to get the motivation to exercise. There's always an excuse NOT TO, that's for sure! But if you could do a little bit- baby steps, a walk, or a hike (not too strenuous) to start off, it would at least get you going...
You'll notice a huge difference in your energy levels once you get going!
As for the girlfriend- have her go with you when you exercise, it's a good way to bond, and talk about things... Perhaps you could explain to her that you're not ready to get married, but you are not interested in anyone else, and that you just need some time to get all your "ducks" in order. It's not like you're out banging the troops or anything right?
As a woman, I personally find that I need reassurance in my relationships. Yes I may be needy, borderline co-dependent, but I want to know in my heart that my "man" isn't out trolling for other potential girlfriends. Security? Stability? I don't know, but maybe that's why she has been harping on you about the relationship?
In any case my friend- I understand your predicament. Best of luck to you-
Cursed
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