I'm 19, turning 20 in April. Unemployed, never had a job. As of right now, I'm just sitting at home. I'm attending a community college but I've been doing badly for the last two semesters I've been going. I look at my friends and their not doing GREAT, but I can still see how far behind I am in life. They have jobs, are doing well in school. I feel like I'm disappointing everyone who cares about me. I'm fat, around 300 lbs. It's so hard to get motivated to do good in school, look for a job, or lose weight. I don't know why. Sometimes I'm on the brink of breaking down and I still can't pull myself together to make a change. My self-confidence level is at an all time low. I find myself avoiding eye contact with anyone. I used to love going out in high school and meeting new people but now since I am older, I have nothing to talk to others about. When I tell people I'm unemployed and attending community college, they look down on me. I know it. It makes me feel useless, and worthless. Some days I just want to end my life. But even then I don't have the balls to do anything. So that's out of the question. If I told anyone about this, they would just call me lazy. I guess I am lazy. But it's because I'm starting to lose all hope that I can change anything in or about my life. I'm single & gay. In the gay community, appearance is everything. Gay men literally avoid talking to the fat gay at the party or at the club. But I can understand them not wanting to be my boyfriend or hook up with me, but they don't even want to be my friend. It's so superficial. I'm really nice, kind, and caring. I feel I'm losing everything that makes me "me". I feel like I'm dead inside. Sometimes, I don't feel anything. It's like I shut if off. And other times, I cry to sleep. The only time I'm ever content is if I'm high or drunk with friends, no lie lol. Or when I'm watching something interesting on television or listening to music. I just need to try harder I guess. That's what my dad would tell me anyways. I still live at home which is pretty normal for someone my age. I have friends, plenty. But I can feel them getting fed up with me because I never have money to do anything. No one bothers to hit me up anymore. Not even to talk. But like I mentioned before I have nothing to talk about. I'm going to visit family in Texas in a few weeks and I'm so nervous. I'm just embarrassed of myself. I can't help but care what people think of me, especially family. But if I don't feel good about myself how can I expect someone to think highly of me. Life is so annoying. Shit sucks. I don't sleep. I'm writing this at 5:18 in the morning. Hmm, I think that's it. I'm going to try and sleep now. Maybe I'll feel better in the morning, but it's unlikely. Goodnight. | |
Anyway, there's this TV show on and I don't remember what it's called but one of the main characters is hot and has big tits. One of the other main characters is hot and has small tits too, but most importantly for you, one of the couples on the show is gay as fuck, and one of the fags is as fat as you, or maybe even more so. It's on TV so it must be true, so fat gay fuckholes like you can get a skinny gayass partner as well...so stop lying.
I think the problem is, you don't wipe so good, so you always smell a little like ass. No one likes a fag who smells like ass becasue, well...it brings up thoughts of why you might smell like ass at that particular time, even though it's just because you don't wipe so good, becasue you said you weren't getting any mudpit right now so that couldn't be the reason.
...anyway, start wiping good, quit your mancunt bitching, and wise the fuck up you homer fatherfucker.
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