I dont know what to say...
I guess I will start with a severe problem of the grass is always greener on the other side. I make a decision then spend my time realizing what a mistake it was until I reverse the decision and do it again. I have two great girls but didnt fight there mom for much parenting time even though I really wanted to have the kids more. Now I am stuck with every other weekend and a few hrs during week days. I am trying to make it work and am great when the kids are around but fall into depression when they are gone. I decided to go back to school and am earning strait A's the past year (first time ever.) I am trying to keep busy with projects around the house and school work but I never feel very happy. I used to be so different than I am now and am finding it difficult to keep going. I know the kids need their dad and I am trying to do the best I can. I know I am being a great dad but after a weekend with the girls, and their mom picks them up I feel as empty as ever. I try to date but dont feel even near emotionally available or worthy of love. I have started smoking some but keep it hidden. I try not to drink (never do with the kids) but I cant sleep if I dont have a couple beers before bed. I cant shut off my mind. I just toss and turn. I lost a few close friends over the past few years and I dont feel like hanging out socially with the friends I have.
The saddest thing is that I am a fortunate person in so many ways. I am in good shape and attractive. I have pretty good parents who I know love me. There is a great woman who I know loves me but I feel like she would be better off without me. I am stressed about money but who isnt? I am not in a position where I need to drop out of school and get a full time job to pay bills and child support. I am so fucking tired of life. I need help but one therapist failed to show up for our first meeting so I found a new one. I saw her for a few weeks then she didnt show up for an appt. and failed to return my messages. I guess I am a little burnt on paying someone to listen to my problems. I know I need to make some changes in life but cant find the energy to do anything. I am in hell on earth. | |
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I'd like to slap the living shit out of you with an old wooden oar. You don't need a therapist....you ever try splitting up the word? try it now straight A Timmy....yeah, that's right, "The Rapist" YEAH GOOD CALL TIMMY, PAY FOR A RAPIST TO COME AND ASSRAPE YOUR BRAIN!!! Good thinking. You dodged a bullet there mangina the great.
hey...nice of you to decide what's good for other people. let you great woman who you know loves you that you're olny looking out for her! Hey, I know, break up with her and spend your childless weekends writing sappy "i'm sorry" greeting card for the hallmarks. They pay like 80 bucks for a good card, then you wouldn't be stressed for money. You have the time, because you drive everyone away from you on purpose, so use it to write those cards!
I'm goddamn tired of your life too. Seriously, it's almost debilitating listening to you whine. Lost a few friends over time huh? Imagine that, Mr. Joyful!
You need to start drinking, and fucking. Do it today or you're lost.
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