Since Sept. of 2009 my life has gone to shit. Got married in July of 2009. Had some fights with the wife which led to other fights. And in between fights we decided to get a roommate who we thought was a friend, which was right around September. In October my wife lost her job. We both worked at the same place. I am an automotive technician and she ran the office. Still having arguments this roommate puts that bug into my wifes ear. Telling her that shes right and he would never do this and that basically getting into her head. So from the end of October to late November my wife cheated with him several times in our own house. At the begining of January he moved out. At the end of January my wife came out and told me what had happened. What then proceeded is a bunch of yelling crying screaming. We decide to take a month, all of Feburary, off to try and sort things out and see if we can fix this. She went to stay with her mother. More arguments occured. She says that she needed her space and I wasnt giving it to her. But it was hard for me because that trust barrier was gone. And at the moment I felt that i needed her most more than ever. Locks got changed on the house, and she ended up moving alot of her stuff out. She now has and appartment at her shit old job barely making hours to pay rent. I work my hands to the bone just to pay rent on the house. I still love her so much and want her back. I want the wife I married back. She doesnt feel the same about me anymore. She has feeling for me but not in the same way anymore. I dont know what to do with my life anymore. All I do is work my ass off for nothing to show. Come home feed my animals, and sit in front the the computer or tv. On occasion going out to eat with some friends. I can't talk to anybody about it because it hurts so much. I keep having questions that only she can answer. I go through bursts of massive depression, anger, ect. She wants me to be happy and move on. But I dont think I. I dont think I will ever be able to move on. I will always love her, and I feel as if she is the only one for me. My heart is broken, everyday I feel the rage build up in me and I want to kill the guy who slept with my wife. I cant sleep. I work stupid long hours and bust my ass everyday at work. Im trying to look out for myself and find something that makes me happy but I dont see that happening. Working on cars makes me happy to an extent. But when you are at the shop from 9am til after midnight, and then get news at 130 am that a car I worked on blew up, stress builds. The strees keeps building up between my failed marriage, work, and everything else. Definetly one of those wish you could go back moments and do things differently. But now I'm at the point where I dont know what to do with my life. Dont know where to start re-building it. I feel so alone. Life just sucks all around and is not looking any better.
| |
...Through a path of rough waters, lies a path of placid lakes. Sail on the sea of life, child.
New Comment