I am havign hard time with catching up with our bills even though I and husband has a full time job , he pays child support for his 2 kids who lives in another state which is considered small amount. We have 4 years old daughter who goes to day care when we aren't home. My mom died from heart attack when she was 47 about 4 years ago when my daughter was 2 months old. She was in another country and I did not have money or nerve to leave the baby and go there ( baby did not have passport then and my husband was layed off for few months ) I had my little brtoher begged me to go there with tears all I was able to stay on web cam and talk him or talk on cell phone. My dad had been very strong and took care him most part of and helped hi to go back to school and he is grown up matured a lot now. He was 12 when this happened now he is 16. I could not go back to visit my dad or brtoher or they would not able to come because we did not have money enough to pay for flight tickets. My brother lost his hope he doe snot even ask any more and I always have been trying to pay my nest bill and wait 2 more days to buy groceries. My husband I had met and married shortly without dating so I was surprised to see he would not find me atractive as much as the girls on tv or maybe his chating ex wife, and did not have sex or I should say no more than 2 minutes of intercourse since we are married for 7 years. He never had solid full time position and I never made enough to support whole family. I have guilty because we had to borrow money from dad when we were moving to this state because we both got better jobs, we could not pay back the money comlietly yet since we are barely making it (keep getting moeny from cash pay day advance places) we dont have anything ordinary rent 800 food one car loan 220 and ah I forgot we also lost our house to foreclosure when he first got laid off, my daughter has no any caring family around or friends no money left for any activities like sports sometimes we dont know how to buy cheese or bread, we never use help from wellfare and we would not qualify for it anyway. I am stressed because I am so caught in this bills challange I eat too much to calm myself down, I was asked to go out by almost ever body in my class in college and now feeling overweight and not healthy. I care about my husband he is nice person but I get sick and deppressed a lot thinking about financial struggle and having lonely useless future for our daughter, I have guilty too because of this, I only talk function at work but when I come home I feel like doing nothign with no moeny what i can really do other then going to walking with my daughter or talk my dad and brother (thanks god internet is still affordable) I feel dangerously slipping down last few weeks, I decided to downsize the house after lease is up and have couple hundreds bucks but being lonely not abel to visit my dad since mom died is making me feel sad I was not abe to be there for them and I tried to hold this family we have here but I keep getting anger feelings towards my husband for ever meeting sorry to keep complaining I know I am blessed with healthy kid and a job maybe I can just make different choices life just goes fast and I jyst worried my dad will pass away before I am able to see him in person or brother will marry some girl and forgot about sister or his niece. I am in this cycle not sure how to get out | |