Seconds tick by. My alarm clock slowly flashes a new minute, then a new hour. Everyone and their mother is sleeping and here i am, awake again. Its been three days since my last inbound call, and I'll be damned if it wasnt a butt dial. The one friend i did have is fixing his life and sorting it out.. without me this time. The pack of cigarettes i smoked today made me feel better for a wbile... but now i'm broke as a joke so no more pot or cigarettes to keep me from myself. This is the sixth day of near sleeplessness... and the third that i stifle sobs so as to not wake the family.
Every day i look for a job, i try to meet new people, or reconnect with old ones... being a high school and college dropout doesnt help my case any. I lost most of my friends aftwr my first suicide attempt... the shelf i hung from gave way to my weight, so they thought i was craving attention... my family doesnt know. 19 years into this adventure called life.. 6 phone contacts, my v card, and i havent yet broken a bone. The saddest part to me is that as a reasonably bright 19 yo i cant figure out why i am the messed up one.
My ADHD on top of other things is a daily impediment. I try to communicate but my mind is too fast for my mouth and i get jumbled up... this makes it especially difficult to reach out to loved ones and friend.. in fact this is the first anyone knows about me being less than content... i guess i can pride myself that far.
Every waking moment for two years of my life has been for drugs or another person... but drugs lost their fun and newness and people slowly dissolved away.. which brings us to now.
I am G.R. Wilson, 19, jobless, directionless, and looking up self help forums on Google.
Who are you? | |
I want to beat you nearly to death with an angry birds plush toy.
ASSHOLE!!
first off, how are you both a high school and college drop out? if u dropped out of hs, go get your GD and then after that, go to community college. try to get aid. u can join clubs there and meet new people and make friends. you can even get a job at ur college and many colleges host job fairs and help find their students jobs. so that would be a great start for you.
as for as your ADHD, you can gets medication for that. that will help.
all of your problems are fixable. just have to start with getting medication for ADHD and then you will feel better and sleep better.
You can get a GED, and still go to college if you want. Its not that hard. You can still make friends. Theres drugs to help with your ADHD. Theres many jobs to be had, keep plucking away, go volunteer somewhere in the meantime. You got it easy compared to alot of people on this board. Stop worrying, stop thinking so negatively about everything. "I still have my v card.." who gives a shit, stop feeling bad for yourself. Look at the cup as half full, because it is.
On another note, Jesus can change you and your life. "Jesus said, Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls". Give your life to him and he'll give you life.
Peace, Love, and keep going!
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