Somebody must have put a curse on me? Do you believe in God, Satan, evil-doers? In any case, it doesn't matter because I am convinced that some evil force is really screwing with me...
November 2011, the love of my life dumped me after six years of living together. I got the hell out of dodge, so I wouldn't have to run into him with his new girlfriend at the supermarket. I moved into a cute little apartment forty miles away and cried. I cried for so many days- the landlady didn't know what to do with me...
Finally, I got a decent job. It didn't last. I injured myself, on my own time (I wasn't at work). I severely fractured my ankle. I was out of work for two months but then had to go back (unhealed). I injured the same ankle at work and had to fill out workman's comp. A month later- I was fired.
It happened so fast. I was a complete zombie the rest of the day and was like: "What do I do now?"
Because of the injury- I now have a gimp/limp. If I have to spend extended amounts of time on my feet, the ankle swells up and resembles a grapefruit. It's very stiff, painful, and I can no longer do many of the things I enjoyed before the accident.
Who would hire me with an injury?
I did manage to find a job. But like 99.9% of the population- I hate it. I get paid jack squat and have to travel two hours to get to and from work. The gas prices are killing me-
Fortunately, I only have to provide for myself, my dog, and my cat. But every week, I barely scrape by. I have car insurance, student loans, credit card debt, rent, groceries, gas, and so many other bills (inspecting my car this month, registration, car repairs, ect...)
To cut my costs, I never go out to eat, never go anywhere unless I have to, and forget about a vacation!
Since I injured myself, I have gained fifty pounds. I can't jog or run- only gimp/walk. My self-esteem is at an all-time low. I thought wow- this would be a great time to meet someone! Not!
But like an idiot, I went to a "free" online dating site, and ended up sleeping with someone. Unprotected sex. Really smart huh? I now have contracted herpes. Yep, that's an incurable STD that ravages your body with cold sores, blisters down in your genital area, and is extremely itchy, painful, and yes- apparently very contagious when you have an outbreak. So much for meeting the man of my dreams.
So now, along with all the other expenses- I now have to buy expensive pharmaceutical drugs to maintain my "new" acquired friend.
Sigh.
I know, it's my own fault. But my self-esteem, as if it couldn't get any lower, now has reached an all-time LOW!!!!
I made an appointment with a sliding fee clinic to get the drugs I need, and when I went to fill out the paperwork yesterday, they said they wouldn't be able to see me after all, since they hadn't given me enough time to fill out the stupid paperwork... Hmmmmm.
I walked out of the place- wondering again- Am I cursed?
Next, as I was driving home, I experienced some road rage with a couple driving a green Cadillac Escalade- they were tailing me, and then tried to pass me illegally, and when I pulled over, they pulled over too and started screaming at me...
I finally got home and cried.
Is this it? Is this how life is? A struggle. An expense. If you don't have money you are unwanted and useless...
I wish I could either go back to being a blissful, niave 10 year old, or just walk off a cliff. By accident. There are plenty of cliffs. They are free. And there's plenty of them...
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