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Forever Alone

Posted by Lexie at February 29, 2012
Tags: Attitude  2012 February  Loneliness  Relationship

So I am 20 and fairly outgoing and fun but I cant seem to find anybody who gives a damn about me. When I was a kid I was abused (for 12 long years) and now even the slightest things bring me into the deepest depression. I live with my grandmother who is a very headstrong woman and I'm afraid to tell her that I'm depressed because she has already told me that she sees it as a sign of weakness. She makes me feel inferior and stupid all the time and she doesnt even see it...even when I tell her!!! She guilt trips me all the time...so much so, that I miss out on opportunities that arrise because I just don't feel like fighting with her. I am scared to trust anyone and yet at the same time I thrust myself 100% into every relationship. This tends to scare people off but I can't seem to find a happy medium.

The very worst part of my life is that I am desperately in love with my best friend but she doesn't feel the same way. I am the world's most loyal friend and will do anything, not just for her, but for all of my friends. I have listened to her talk about the same guy every night for 2 months but the one time I need talk to her, she can't even be bothered to even text me back. Story of my life. I'm so unhappy :( I feel like crap everyday and I think I'm losing my mind too!! I'm paranoid, bipolar, manic depressive and I have MAJOR mommy and daddy issues....I just want to be happy...I have next to no social life, and I always feel like a 3rd wheel...even when there's only 2 of us...

All of my friends are 100 times more attractive than me, so that when do go out, I get shunted to the side while everyone drools all over them....and people wonder why I am the first to go home...I don't know....any suggestions for any of this shit????

Votes:

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Comments:
By Cj at 06,Mar,12 01:02

Reading this I can relate I know how you feel. Everyone turns their back on you even though you do everything you can for them noone understands even when you explain exactly whats going on to them. and you always feel separated even in a crowd.
I know your pain


By at 06,Mar,12 04:00

Feeling lonely within a crowd and/or among your friends is more common than you think. Hopefully within a few years you will have the courage to at least plan to go off on your own. Also since you have stated that you are outgoing and fun - you may eventually expand your social circle. Most friendships are superficial so learn to give less of a damn about everyone else if they don't seem to care about you. Oh it is hard to do given you tend to get into these friendship and relationship patterns where you go all out with nothing in return. Doing more things for you and only you will be a good start.


By anonymous at 06,Mar,12 12:59

First off I don't know if this is going to help you but it may help to make you feel like you aren't the only person that thinks this way.

I just cam across this while searching google bc I don't even feel like I deserve to be happy anymore and am at a point where I just want the numb feeling of not caring about anyone or any thing.

I put a 110% into being a good person and trying to help other people out but when it comes to myself I can't do a thing. I am constantly contradicting myself because I can't get a grasp of my own feelings. I constantly live in the shadows of anyone and everyone around me and am always comparing myself to them.

I want to be able to get a girlfriend and just have normal friends but I can't really trust myself to trust other people. I am always thinking about how other people see me and can't stand to think of people talking about my bad qualities behind my back bc all I want is for people to be honest, good or bad I think that plain honesty helps above anything else. Even if you feel bad after it I feel that it just helps you to move past dwelling on the unpleasant possible out comes.


By Missy at 06,Mar,12 15:29

I o to theapy after I tried to kill myself after my freind got killed in a fire. It sound you need that and you need your grand mother to make the appointment. they listen to you and try and help you. I saw your I would that you are very pretty. If you abit over try to exceise and come sugar and bread. I di and LOst 10 pounds in two monthes. You need to care of your self and if you can get ou thedepression then go for it and check some of those medications. I tke them andthey work. I take Paxil. it works formebut just try ever works for you. May god bless Lexie and you have a very pretty name.


By anonymous at 27,Mar,12 06:32

talk to meeeeee sweetie
i see where u are in life and i relate to a little bit of it.
bridgie hart


By anonymous at 14,May,12 21:42

Nothing wrong with you. You need to focus on a higher goal to get over this. The problem with most folks is they are too focused on themselves..just look at the number of I's in your statemnet.

Also notice the number if I's in similar posts...

The real solution is to forget the I and focus on something beyond yourself

Finx a higher cause and work for it. You will get over your current problem


By Pepper at 15,May,17 01:46

The simple explanations you have provided along with your article make this one of the best written and best deie-ltorianted articles I have had the enjoyment of reading and thinking about in a long time.


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