So I am 20 and fairly outgoing and fun but I cant seem to find anybody who gives a damn about me. When I was a kid I was abused (for 12 long years) and now even the slightest things bring me into the deepest depression. I live with my grandmother who is a very headstrong woman and I'm afraid to tell her that I'm depressed because she has already told me that she sees it as a sign of weakness. She makes me feel inferior and stupid all the time and she doesnt even see it...even when I tell her!!! She guilt trips me all the time...so much so, that I miss out on opportunities that arrise because I just don't feel like fighting with her. I am scared to trust anyone and yet at the same time I thrust myself 100% into every relationship. This tends to scare people off but I can't seem to find a happy medium.
The very worst part of my life is that I am desperately in love with my best friend but she doesn't feel the same way. I am the world's most loyal friend and will do anything, not just for her, but for all of my friends. I have listened to her talk about the same guy every night for 2 months but the one time I need talk to her, she can't even be bothered to even text me back. Story of my life. I'm so unhappy :( I feel like crap everyday and I think I'm losing my mind too!! I'm paranoid, bipolar, manic depressive and I have MAJOR mommy and daddy issues....I just want to be happy...I have next to no social life, and I always feel like a 3rd wheel...even when there's only 2 of us...
All of my friends are 100 times more attractive than me, so that when do go out, I get shunted to the side while everyone drools all over them....and people wonder why I am the first to go home...I don't know....any suggestions for any of this shit???? | |
I know your pain
I just cam across this while searching google bc I don't even feel like I deserve to be happy anymore and am at a point where I just want the numb feeling of not caring about anyone or any thing.
I put a 110% into being a good person and trying to help other people out but when it comes to myself I can't do a thing. I am constantly contradicting myself because I can't get a grasp of my own feelings. I constantly live in the shadows of anyone and everyone around me and am always comparing myself to them.
I want to be able to get a girlfriend and just have normal friends but I can't really trust myself to trust other people. I am always thinking about how other people see me and can't stand to think of people talking about my bad qualities behind my back bc all I want is for people to be honest, good or bad I think that plain honesty helps above anything else. Even if you feel bad after it I feel that it just helps you to move past dwelling on the unpleasant possible out comes.
i see where u are in life and i relate to a little bit of it.
bridgie hart
Also notice the number if I's in similar posts...
The real solution is to forget the I and focus on something beyond yourself
Finx a higher cause and work for it. You will get over your current problem
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