I'm 38 divorced once and remarried but separated. I have three kids that all have some sort of emotional disability that I know is all my fault. I have no job, no friends, and two sisters that talk to me but nothing to in depth. Today is such a bad day. Today is the day my "Bumpa" passed away who was my only father figure and it also would have been my fathers birthday if he was still alive. But it is better that he is not around anyways because when he was alive he did terrible things to me and other family members. I just can't do anything right. I have many health problems but no one wants to hear about all that. I sometimes get child support and I have applied for disability but was denied and now waiting to get a hearing which can take until ??????? I used to blame everyone else for my problems but I know that I AM THE ONLY PROBLEM. I am such an advocate against suicide. But when it comes to me I can not see any other way to fix things. I don't believe anyone. No one follows through with what they say their going to do. Anyone looking at me would never guess that I feel this way. I sit alone day after day and night after night hoping I die in my sleep. I can't do it anymore. Not looking for pity just venting. Tired of crying, trying and breathing. | |
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