LIFE SUCKS

i had everything pretty much

i havnt had the worst background but it wasnt great...
my mum was abused by every single boyfriend she choose, she was pushed down stairs which broke her finger and put on the floor and been kicked hard and there was nothing she could do about it, she suffered bad from, she became really skinny, suffered bad with asma, didnt eat anthing and didnt know what to do with her life, me and my brother were the only things she had to live for.
i was always scared that she was going to give up, she'd talk about my god mother and how much trust she had in them people.
her first marriage was my dad he was okay, but had abit of an anger problem, he didnt hit her he just pushed her and then he left, and her second husband started the bad luck off.
he was living in a car before he was with my mum, the only reason he married hger was to own a pub that would only let a married couple own, me and my brother were ignored for two years, there was no time for us at all, we were aloud to do what we wanted, i'd stay out at my friends all the time when i was ten...
anyway now is okay for her, she is engaged to a nice man, i dont know if i can let myself out to trust him fully because of her past, but they have been together for two years now and she has been the happiest i have ever seen her.
but then i started being rebelious after meeting first love at the start of year nine, he smoked weed and his mum was not all there in the head and had breast cancer, she was the one person he cared about more than anything... i tried weed, started smooking, and doing sexual acts after i got with him it didnt get much better i met someone for the first time when i was really drunk and ended up sucking his dick. and then couple months after started to have sex, now im grounded and i am not aloud to do anything, talk to anyone or nothing apart from when i was at school, my mum finds my backy and takes it and she found my ex 'friend with benifts' lighter and took it, i really need a fag and contemplating running away. oh and i cut myself 4 times and started popping pills.