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Everyone Is Gone

Posted by anonymous at February 24, 2012
Tags: Death  Family  2012 February  Loneliness  Relationship  Tragic Events

I am 19 years old. And everyone I have ever loved in my entire life is dead. I'm not exaggerating.

My baby brother died when I was 10. We were playing down by the lake like we always did, and he fell in. I didn't know how to swim, I was scared of the water. I remember watching him struggle to stay afloat and I was screaming at my parents to come and help. But they were in the house and it wasn't within earshot of the lake. Finally he stopped struggling and just disappeared, I jumped in, I couldn't stand by and do nothing, that was the moment I taught myself to swim. I dove underneath and tried to open my eyes to look for him but the water was muddy and I couldn't see anything. I was crying so hard that I could barely breathe even when I was above water. I finally managed to grab his hand and pull him out. My parents had seen what was happening by then and ran to help. I can still here my mom screaming. She just wouldn't stop screaming. When the ambulance came he was pronounced dead at the scene, he was just six.

My parents died 5 years later in a car accident. It was raining and they skidded off the road and over bank. My father died instantly but my mom didn't. I was called out of class in school to be told what happened. They took me to the hospital where they had my mom on bypass. I got to say goodbye to her, but her injuries were too severe for her to survive. I don't know how I managed to get through that. The called my aunt to come and help me through it, she was young and just out of college, she was heartbroken that her sister had just died and was in no shape to comfort a distraught 15 year old.

I went slightly off the rails after that. But not in the normal way of partying hard and drinking. The doctor prescribed me some pretty strong pain meds and I took about 8 a day. They made me numb, they made me sleep and forget everything. I worked way too hard at school just so I wouldn't have time to be doing nothing. I distanced myself from my friends, I barely spoke, I just went through the motions of life.

And then, when I was 17 I met HIM. He was so unbelievably gorgeous, he was perfect in every way. He was 22 and he helped me. The first time I met him, I was being hassled by some jerk in a supermarket and he came over and made sure I was ok. I think he could see that I was sort of lost. He was so kind to me. We became friends. He would come over in the evenings and cook for me and my aunt! He was an amazing cook, he could make the most delicious food. He drove me to school every day, and helped me with my homework, he even got me off the pain meds! I was completely in love with him, but I was convinced he didn't like me like that. And then I had a sort of breakdown.. I felt like everything just hit me at once and I didn't know what to do. I went to the bathroom and I slit my wrists. It wasn't that I wanted to die, it was just that I didn't understand death. I didn't know why everyone had to die, and I just wanted to stop hurting. I wasn't thinking clearly.

At the last minute I called him and told him what I'd done. I said that I was sorry. The next thing I knew I was waking up in hospital. He was there and his eyes were all red from crying. He got so angry with me, he said that if I wasn't there he wouldn't have anything left. He told me he loved me. Despite everything, that was the single happiest moment of my life. He looked at me with his beautiful, warm eyes and said that he loved me, only me, always me.

We had relationship from there on, it was actually more than a relationship it was like a partnership, we were two halves, we completed each other. I know you're scoffing and thinking that that sort of thing doesn't exist. Take it from me, it does. He was my everything. He made me smile again, he taught me to laugh and have fun. He healed me. He was the love of my life, he was my soulmate and I was his.

On December 3rd 2011 He was killed in a bar fight. I can't even write those words without bursting into tears. He was defending me, we had gone there for a night out, to have a good time. I went outside to take a call and some biker guy followed me out. He grabbed me and shoved me against a wall, everything is just a blur from then on. I remember screaming, I remember HIM coming for me, pulling the guy off me, checking to see if I was hurt, stroking my hair, telling me everything was ok, I was safe. And then suddenly he was on the ground and his head was bleeding. There was so much blood, so much blood. i think the other guy ran off, but I didn't really notice. I remember pulling him into my lap and cradling his head in my arms. I remember telling him that I loved him, that I would always love him. I remember him looking at me like I was the whole world. And then he just drifted off, he just suddenly wasn't there anymore. One second he was looking into my eyes and then his eyes were empty, he was just gone.

I haven't spoken a word out loud since that moment. I am writing this from my hospital bed, where I have an IV in my arm because I refuse to eat. I don't want to be alive. I don't see the point in anything, I just want to die so I can be with him.

I can't live with this much pain. I'm cursed. Why does everyone I love have to leave me?


Votes:


New Comment

Comments:
By anonymous at 02,Mar,12 17:14

yea i would just kill my self i would have killed myself befor than really any ways find something like a metal spone and stab ur neck really u shoud
By anonymous at 02,Mar,12 18:30

to the person that wrote this comment... you will get what is coming to you. Cant you see that this person has had a very hard life and the last thing she needs is you making it worse. It takes a lot of guts to come out and say the things that she did and you just crushed her. who the hell do you think you are? One day you too will come upon a hard time in your life and you will need support just like everyone here does. i hope you remember this until the day you are no longer part of this world. your words will haunt you forever.
By anonymous at 03,Mar,12 06:57

couldnt agree more, what a loser!
By anonymous at 06,Mar,12 20:07 Fold Up

words wont really haunt him though will they he or she will be dead, death is naturall it happens just deal with it writing a little post ent guna save you if its that then yer top yourself why not, bad things all the time if you cant deal with it and it is just too much like everyone says on here thne just kill yourself you are a bunch of weak minded sad god loving weirdos
By anonymous at 07,Mar,12 03:05

What a dumbass.
By anonymous at 27,Apr,12 15:53 Fold Up

My ex is the same... he shows no heart
By anonymous at 28,Mar,12 21:22 Fold Up

u r such a fucking idiot can't u see she's in pain?
By anonymous at 25,Apr,12 23:21 Fold Up

Troll
By anonymous at 15,Mar,13 12:39 Fold Up

You're an idiot...


By anonymous at 06,Mar,12 03:51

fake
By anonymous at 25,Jun,12 22:39

fuck you
she is hurting and people like you shit kill people like this by thinking that nothing is worse than you and that hardships dont exist
people like you deserve worse and people who hurt deserve whatever you have
anyone with a heart would understand that some people live the worst and hardest lives imaginable
you dont deserve a happy life


By Schizzo at 19,Jun,12 23:53

not quite sure what to type here so ill keep it short, even tho u dont know me, just wanted to say im sorry for your loss, and i really do hope one day things will get better...


By anonymous at 21,Jun,12 17:55

i'll still kill my self cuz my life sucks. i dont even care if im just 10. i prevent anybody from trying to kill me. like onetime when i was gonna stab myself, my cousin pushed me, andhe died.it happened to me when i was 5.Now i really want to kill myself after that because it was my fault. i hate my life.


By anonymous at 23,Jun,12 19:49

my name is mike and i just literally put my story on this website.
it is called LIFE OF PAIN
i feel for you. if would like to talk my email is mmrgem@gmail.com
i'm going through some rough times also.
you're a good person.
you're now one of my only true friends becuase you have been through what i have been through.


By anonymous at 23,Jun,12 20:18

SORRY WRONG EMAIL ADDRESS
mmrgem48@gmail.com
i just created it thst why


By anonymous at 25,Jun,12 07:34

I don't know what to say. Stay strong


By anonymous at 30,Jun,12 06:44

this story realy did sound a bit fictional. for some reason it just has the ring of premeditated deciet. almost as if the author is testing their own writing skills and useing this forum as a means of testing that skill with an audience. it just has a bit too much melodramatic overproduction to be a factual account. nuff said... i call bs


By anonymous at 14,Jul,12 04:57

I hope your life has taken a turn for the better now. Your are strong woman there is nothing you cannot do. I wish you the best, and God bless.


By anonymous at 07,Aug,12 18:20

I am so very sorry to see that this happened to you. I read your story and it really touched me I have tears running down my face. I really hope that eventually life will bring you happiness and love and I really hope that you don't give up. This reply is months after your posting but I hope it reaches you.


By anonymous at 22,Aug,12 16:02

I really dont know if this is believable or not.


By anonymous at 26,Aug,12 09:04

I am sorry you have had so much pain in your life. You have endured and survived a lot of pain. I always had this belief that I won't ever have to deal with anything higher than my threshold of pain. And luckily, I haven't.

I hope you can take comfort in the fact that you are a survivor. Nothing that will happen will ever compare to all you've been through. Only smiles and laughter from now on.
Goodluck :)


By anonymous at 20,Oct,12 06:53

Awwww in crying now! Please eat. Im sorry for what happened :( life gets better :) xxx you seem like a beautiful girl


By anonymous at 10,Nov,12 11:14

The most well-written story on this site. Must have been concocted by a professional writer. Kudos to her, and if it's real, she wont have trouble finding another boyfriend.


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By anonymous at 08,Mar,14 12:52

God will never leave you pray to him live for the dead and there memroy/ prayer to jseus and he will make you new and give you a peace youv/ nenevr known


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