In our world there are all different kinds of popular heroes. War heroes, good samaritan heroes, captain Sully heroes, heroic athletic performances...
Yet on another note there are other kinds of people in this life just like you and me. People who suffer through heart wrenching things: People who are incredibly lonely, sad and hopeless. People who deal with unbearable pain who don’t know how they will make it through the next 5 minutes let alone the next hour. Guys and girls who feel utterly worthless because of the expectations of themselves and others. People who have been helplessly sinned against, who’s earthly lives have been wounded and can never be healed.
To me the concept of time is a strange thing. For some time is a blessing. These people are able to feel a moment of happiness in the future; they have the hope to endure a little while longer. For others and I think for many of you time is a curse. For a while in my life I have felt completely hopeless. I think for you and me the emotional and physical pain has completely broken us. For some life on this earth has erased their spiritual faith, has taken away their happiness and has destroyed their hope for a future. For these poor people time is a curse because they have no hope.
I don’t know how many people have truly been hopeless at a time in their lives. You need to have suffered some kind of unbearable loneliness, loss, anger, pain or wrong to truly understand.
I think that if the reality of this hopelessness is fresh in your mind you will be able to understand this:
People just like some of you have experienced these pains. They have felt, and truly are hopeless. But for some UNKNOWN reason they defy their reality and carry on with their unbearable routine. Some get up and go to work as their debt grows, some just manage to get out of bed, others are barely able to smile or say thank you to a stranger even though they have no friends. These people believe that they are worth nothing and that things will not get better but for a reason they and I can’t explain they keep fighting to live their life, even though it is hopeless. In their grief they work just one more day, go to just one more class, or give just one more person a smile even though they wish they were never born. Many manage to do this for a time and then kill themselves. I think that this is one of the hardest things to do in life and that it is unexplainably courageous and heroic. Maybe most people live their life without ever understanding this. I know it has taken me a very long time to understand. And I know that most people most of the time will never understand how terrible you’re suffering really is. But somehow you keep going. Maybe that’s just human nature but I think that makes you a hero.
When I think about the meaning of life I become hopeless. But I have slowly come to the realization of some other things that I would like to share.
Firstly, physical pain is always worse than emotional pain. I have had a taste of severe long-term pain. I am also unbelievably lonely. Individually emotional pain or physical pain can be unbearable but when I have moments where my body feels normal I am thankful. I’d trade pain for loneliness and grief any day.
Secondly I also think that as human beings we are all the same… in a sense. Obviously no one is the same, I mean life has put you here when others are not. But if you think about it this way we are the same:
Most everyone experiences happiness and sadness, love and loneliness, pain and pleasure, hatred and thankfulness. Maybe one of these emotions is missing in some people. Maybe you have the capacity to love more deeply than most, maybe resentment is more intense for others than it is for me. Maybe you enjoy funny movies more than your friends. The intensity of each person’s individual emotions is different. The spectrum of all their emotions is different than anyone else’s. The same can be said of a person’s intellect, talents, looks and life experience. Who are we to decide Who is a normal human being and who is not? Who is worthy of a good life and who is not? To me this makes us all the same. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t execute a Charles Manson for killing people. I think that we probably should. I’m not saying that men and women are equal. I mean sweet mercy no two men are equal. All I’m saying is that life is unfair and so so sad for many of us humans. While it won’t happen I think it’s possible for everyone to feel true hopelessness and this makes us human. No two snowflakes are alike but they are all snowflakes.
Whether you still have your faith or life has stolen it from you I’m sure you can appreciate the saying, “There but for the grace of God go I.” Are the cards someone is dealt at birth their fault? I Don't know. This also makes me sad. But I think that they are human just like me. I could be wrong but I don't think I am.
When I feel like there is nothing left to live for I make myself understand what I have just written. Because if we are all somewhat the same then there is someone else out there almost exactly like me who has thought almost exactly what I have thought. I’m a guy but if I’m sulking in line at the bank I try to smile and give a genuine thank you to the girl behind the counter because I think to myself, “You know, she’s probably not all that different from me.” She could be just as sad as you or me. Maybe she's only a little bit sad or happy but she's just like me. I can’t flirt with her or have a good conversation and make her feel happier, or complement her on her hair when in reality it would just come off as creepy. The reality of this, my body and my life make me sad but if I can just do little things in my life like saying, “Thanks for your help.” It’s better than nothing. I don’t know a lot, and I know it doesn’t do me any good but I know it’s better than nothing. I know that when I’m feeling down a good handshake and a sincere, "Thank you for your service." Can make all the difference in the world. For all of you that keep going and don’t know why, for those that do these trivial insignificant things even though you are powerless to create significant good, you are heroes. I know some of you say, “I don’t know what to do with my life, I don’t want to keep on living but I guess I’ll go to work or school just one more day. If only I can give one person a thank you or a smile who is just like me.” I think that there is something to be said for that. For some it truly is hopeless, and even though they know their life will never be better, and that time is a curse, whether mistaken or not they just keep going anyway, they are selfless and they are heroes.
Sometimes when I’m really down I realize that this could all be a lie, but somehow I choose to keep going. I don’t really know why we behave this way but I hope someday we will.
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May God bless you.
be like buddha
abandon society
achieve nirvana
stop eating
fuck money
no its not that hard.. its the people around you who live on as zombies waiting for their graves who make this hard to do
conformism is the slowest form of suicide..
I have no faith in some higher power.
But I do have hope that something else comes after all of this seemingly meaningless stuff. Something that feels real and/or significant.
“To die will be an awfully big adventure.”
-Aristotle
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