LIFE SUCKS

I wish I could have my old life back

I don't think i'ved ever felt this alone. I want to look at the upside of things but I can't seem to find anything to look forward to. I have been with my bf on and off since early 2008. He has cheated on me treated me horribly. I even when to therapy for it because i just felt like I was addicted to him. I tried everything to get over him, broke up with him so many times even changed my number. None of it has worked he won't let me go. One time he showed up at my front door and wouldn't leave till I talked to him. I live in apartments and their gated so he must of waited till someone open the door to get inside the building. For about six months things have changed dramatically between me and him, he took me to his house to meet his parents and for Thanksgiving I spent it with his family. Since I used to love him so much and he finally wanted me around him all the time. I stared neglecting one my best friends I would always cancel on her last minute because he wouldn't let me go or would get mad at me for not going out with him. I feel horrible for what I did and i regret it so much I wish for her forgiveness but I know she got tired of me and my stupid bullshit. Everything was fine with me and my bf until January 2012 I found out I was 6 weeks pregnant. The day i took the home pregnancy test I went over to my best friend house the only friend i have left now. She was so happy for me she's married a year older then me and has a little girl. I was so scared and had so much anxiety because I haven't had a job in over a year because i was just a full time student. When I told my bf a day later I stared crying and he wasn't happy he said what I was going to do with it? I said I wasn't sure and what did he think, he said we were too young. I was so heartbroken I have given up so many things for him have lost friends. He left me alone in it he didn't want it he wanted an abortion. I cried that whole night