I feel so lonely, it's horrible. Is life a vicious circle, or what? End of August last year - I had one "open relationship", a few guys calling me out on dates, etc, and I felt like I'm sick of love life and all I wanted to do is be single for a while, so I dumped everyone.
It felt good for a while, but now I want to have a boyfriend again and I can't! Since August I had 3 dates with 3 new guys, and one date with an ex bf, but nothing came out of any of those dates, mostly because I wasn't even thrilled with it. Even though I want a boyfriend, I can't just go and start a relationship with a guy if I don't feel interested. I never seem to meet a guy I like, and even if I do like a guy he either doesn't notice me, doesn't talk to me, or we even don't get the chance to meet each other properly.
I am bored to death, and boredom is what gets me depressed so easily. I feel terribly lonely, and not only that - in spite of my good looks and brains, I am starting to feel like nobody will ever like me again, like I will be alone from this day on, till the day I die.
I am not suicidal, but I often think to myself - I would rather be dead than lonely till the end of my life. These past seven months were a torture, if I don't find someone new soon I'm gonna go out of my mind!!!! I hate not having a man I like in my life. Maybe I'm shallow but I feel life is not worth living without romance. I have absolutely no energy for anything right now... :'( | |
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