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I'm so lonely I want to die.

Posted by maylee at February 19, 2012
Tags: 2012 February  Loneliness

Hi, I'm maylee. I'm 18 years old, I have no friends, and I want to die. I'm so lonely, I can't stand it. I feel strapped and alone. The worst part is, there's no way I could get drugs, alcohol, or even a fuck to make the pain go away for a while.

My parents hate eachother, they only got married because my mom got pregnant with me. I ruined their lives by being born. And I'm still ruining their lives by being such a problem child. I can't take it anymore, I just want to lie down and die. I hate life so much.


New Comment

By anonymous at 27,Feb,12 21:05

U are an amazing me if u want to talk..3134653847
By anonymous at 28,Feb,12 19:20

Watch out there are older men on here that are trying to contact the younger girls, be safe.
By anonymous at 03,Feb,13 06:01

How about us older guys who NEVER had a YOUNG woman for a lover?! What the FUCK are we all? DIRTY OLD MEN TO BE FEARED?! FUCK ANYBODY WHO IS SICK ENOUGH TO TREAT ME THAT WAY. I am 41 years of age, told I look HALF THAT AGE and according to some nice women who can stand to pay me a compliment am apparently "beautiful" to look at. I have a wicked sense of humor, full of compassion and empathy, creatively talented in many ways from improvised music to cooking to quantum mechanics and anything in between, a lot of fun when I feel good about myself, patient (I will get to just how much soon...), forgiving, generous to a fault when all my problems fail to render me a total self-absorbed idiot - wherein lies the problem. I AM SO FUCKING LONELY, miserable, consumed with self doubt and grief that I think about ending my life every day. I have had a one night stand at 21 with a woman aged 31. Then six months later was asked by another woman the same age to start a relationship. After a few years I realised I was trapped in a totally toxic and unfulfilling relationship which CHEWED UP HALF OF MY LIFE, THAT'S RIGHT TWENTY GODDAMN YEARS! I overcame my grief to work myself stupid to buy a house, then four years ago it all went cold. Now I am alone, destroyed, penniless and more distressed than ever! I have lost EVERYTHING and I would give anything to have that time again. If I am some kind of a threat to a young woman then TELL ME WHY!! All I want to do is MAKE LOVE. I went through all of this, after NINE YEARS of unbearable frustration and ZERO confidence - having been heartbroken at the age of 13 by a classmate who is still one of the most beautiful girls I ever saw in my life. I was an "ugly duckling" and after spending years reinventing myself I still feel like an utter failure with women. I am NOT INTERESTED in being with an older woman EVER AGAIN. I need hot young OVERSEXED women in my life. I always get lovely smiles from them but ALWAYS there is a glass barrier which may as well be a mile thick!! So does that make ME someone to fear? Perhaps it should if you want to pretend I am unworthy of love from someone who could excite me! I hate that because I am a certain age or "older" (which never stopped cradle-snatchers from chasing ME!) that I would be made to feel so thoughtlessly included in a group that people should be warned about. Not every male out there was a SUCCESSFUL WOMANISER, and I DESERVE BETTER THAN TO FEEL I MISSED MY CHAMCE AT FULFILLMENT. Damn anyone who disagrees, those people make me want to fucking DIE!
By anonymous at 23,May,13 06:32

don't freak, but have you ever thought about an intimate relationship with another man? sure, it's not for most people, but it could give you a whole new outlook on who is interested in you and for what. just a thought.

By anonymous at 06,May,12 10:39

(Cont) his whole family by not taking that scholarship. Growing up I felt like my Mother hated me. I was miserable. I wished at times that she would have just aborted me. Then I stopped feeling sorry for myself. I repeat, feeling sorry for myself and began doing things to make me feel good about myself. Get a hobby. Do something positive! Drugs aren't the answer. Sex is not the answer. Those are dumb solutions to your problem. Do something positive for someone else but do me and yourself a favor. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Have a good day.
By anonymous at 21,Nov,12 02:17

fuck you ! depression is a serious disease OK!! so fuck you saying that their feeling sorry for themselves..maybe you were but that doesn't mean everyone can just go and fucking play soccer or whatever the fuck your hobby is, and just forget their problems you narrow minded motherfucker!

By anonymous at 16,Sep,12 09:42

1m old, 58, my wife ,and daughter, want have anything to do with me, my wife left me nearly a year ago, i have been trying to get her to come back, but all she wants from me is money,, the day aren't to bad, and my adopted family r my world, ,but they cant help when the nights i wake so sad i cry, i cant kill my self, but i do wish i would die, i so lonely and need someone, to hold, my back and other injuries keep me in a lot of pain, and i cant afford a Dr, i wish i would go to sleep and just not wake up..

By anonymous at 11,Nov,12 07:07

we share the same pain, friend. i just couldnt pull the trigger.

By anonymous at 20,Nov,12 16:45

I understand your pain so much ... but drugs and alcohol make the pain worse.Because of the hurt i was feeling i turned to drugs and alcohol and im now addicted to crack ... please no matter how hard it is dont turn to drugs!

By anonymous at 21,Nov,12 02:12

dude im so with you everything is so similar!
im worth shit.

By anonymous at 29,Nov,12 17:43

i am 48 and it get worse

By katlikeme23 at 08,Dec,12 00:56

I inderstand completely. I hope u feel better. Im a 24 y/old mom of two i feel bad for my sons that they cant have a mom who smiles and even with my fiance around me, im sti always so hurts so bad

By anonymous at 04,Jan,13 22:53

Well what important is u express ur feelings and whatever nor matter how fucked up they are and reach out to people.And dont let the rejections get u just keep it up its allways light in the end off the tunnel.
If ur afraid off that it get worse and secondly be active physically get an dog ore what ever.
Being active occupy the mind and make u less depressed=)
Nice that u had the courage to express urself peace.

By anonymous at 09,Jan,13 18:12

Same situation, katawa shoujo is just my source of friends, replaying over and over to stop my loneliness

By anonymous at 06,Apr,13 19:13

I've never had any friends since the age of 18. After that I have been on my own. I cannot drink or smoke as it upsets me medically. So I've never bothered socialising. I've been overweight since about 10 years old. Not fat, just plump. Never seem to build any muscles even when I exercised a lot. Just stayed the same shape. One girl thought I was nice to be a 'friend' to. But she wasn't romantically attached to me. So that ended pretty quickly. I don't like people that much. Most of them are inferior mentally to me. I like being alone. You can do what you like when you like. In fact being alone is liberating. I say to all of you who think loneliness is a bad thing there's only one thing worse than it: that's having other people growing old with you and eventually you'll end up looking after them (and hating it) or they'll end up looking after you (and you'll all hate it). Being alone means you live alone and you die alone. And we all die alone. Since we're nothing more than highly evolved nanotechnology it doesn't matter in the great scheme of things anyway. So enjoy being lonely. I do.

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