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Not Sure What to Do

Posted by anonymous at February 19, 2012
Tags: 2012 February  Loneliness

Hello, I'm 33 years old and I always thought things would get easier with age; but if anything they seem to have gotten worse. I just feel even more numb and lonely than I ever was in my twenties. I have a good paying job, everyone tells me I'm good looking and I'm living in a wonderful place; Southern Spain. For the majority of people out there I believe those three things would equate to happiness or at least temporary fulfillment. Not me. I truly feel like there is no one out there that I can talk to. I have a few friends out here and a couple of girls that like me, actually the majority dont understand why I'm single, but I cannot be happy. I'm not sure if its genetic or how I was raised. Who knows. All I know is that I feel like I'm wasting my life away and if something doesnt change I'm going to be sixty with no family, no kids and no life whatsoever. Suicide was never an option because I just think its extremely selfish to the few that do actually love me. Of course there are other ways that include extremely reckless activities and choices; things that I have recently contemplated doing. Being in the military, it really isnt that hard of a thing to do. Carnivale, which is going on right now, is one of the biggest events where I live. Its a time for laughter, love and enjoyment. I've failed to attend the last two years. Pathetic, I know, a wasted opportunity, I know. Its an event that shouldn't be shared alone; unfortunately, I'm alone and I cant imagine going out there with no one.

I guess I feel like the biggest hindrance in my life is the fact that I'm still a virgin. I truly believe that it effects every decision I make. I try so hard to hide it from everyone and to be honest, I have gotten pretty good at it. Acquaintances, friends, my family and people I've just met have no idea. The only person on this earth that might know is my oldest friend. My college friends knew, at the time, but its been so long I imagine they think I would have lost it by now. And they are right for thinking that. I've had plenty of opportunities but I always prevent myself from actually going through with it. I've ruined so many potential relationships because of this I'm not sure how many more I can go through. I dont know what to do. I am so ashamed and so scared of anyone finding out. It prevents me from initiating any type of sexual activity. My most recent failure ended a couple of weeks ago. This girl really liked me and I liked her. It fizzled out basically because we didnt have sex. Thats all she wanted and I couldnt give it to her because I was too nervous and anxious that she would find out I'm a virgin. A couple of days ago, a girl that I've liked for two years now asked me if I wanted to be her fuck buddy. Whether or not she was joking, really doesnt matter, the only thing that matters was my hesitation and some ridiculous excuse as to why we shouldnt be. So lame. Sorry for such a long, lame and pessimistic story but I really just had to tell someone. Even if it is a digital, cyber someone. I'm not sure if I can endure my relationship failures anymore.


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By anonymous at 26,Feb,12 22:18

I know how you feel man. But i guess it only comes to getting an high class escort since you got the $. personally thats what i would do but everyones different. or you could tell the one you truly care about the truth... And i'd expect the outcome not to be that bad since she cares about you too.. but again its all up to you. good luck
By anonymous at 26,Feb,12 22:34

Pay for someone to fk you! Thats the answer according to every guy! Ive noticed a trend up here in the relationship problems that people have:
The good women are with perverted violent jerks, and the good men are with sluts. The wussy men hire those sluts that the good men dated then go off to pretend to be a good man and wind up being the same old perverted violent jerks.
Look dude if you can't find someone who likes you you could change the reson or you could spend your life shelling out cash for 20 minutes of sucky sucksy. The choice is yours.
By anonymous at 26,Feb,12 22:36

Oh and this guy said he got offers for sex that he turned down. That is pretty damn lame.


By anonymous at 26,Feb,12 23:41

I can relate to feeling lonely and like I'm just existing and not actually living a real life. As for the sex thing...if you're a virgin, being a fuck buddy probably isn't going to work out...it's not your thing. Don't put so much pressure on yourself.


By at 27,Feb,12 00:55

So I am assuming you are a Spaniard because you live in southern Spain? Or are you just an American living there?

I totally believe your claim to being good looking if you are from Spain because the Spaniards are an incredibly good looking people. First off, you're lucky just by living in such a gorgeous place with such great weather and beautiful culture. You are healthy, young, good looking and have a job. What is exactly wrong here? There is NOTHING wrong with being a virgin.

If you are so ashamed that you are still one just tell people that you are waiting for the right person or were religious and wanted to wait for marriage or whatever. You don't even have to tell everyone, but just tell the girl you want to be intimate with if you'd prefer to tell her at all. Because honestly, you CANNOT really tell if a guy is a virgin or not like you can with girls and even with girls it's not a sure thing because some girls do NOT bleed. SO why all this fuss over such a minor problem? I can tell you that a lot of girls would find this totally refreshing and would love to take your virginity. But if it bothers you, just watch a lot of porn to kinda learn how to have sex and then go find someone to practice with LOL. In the meantime, ask yourself exactly what it is that is holding you back from having sex and if you really want to have sex at all or is it just because of peer pressure and fitting in.

BTW, I am in my mid 20's and still a virgin as well and I am not ashamed of this at all. I don't give a f*** about what anyone thinks. No pun intended LOL. Neither should you.

Anyways, I wish you good luck.
By anonymous at 29,Feb,12 13:13

Thank you for the kind words and I'll try and answer some of your questions. I am an American living here and for only about another year. Spain is a wonderfully beautiful place and I have truly enjoyed my time here thus far. However, I do feel that I have already missed out on a lot and have definitely not taken advantage of this opportunity in its entirety. I just feel like something is missing. If you've read the Bell Jar then you will know exactly how I feel despite living in a beautiful place.

Obviously peer pressure and what I believe to be a normal life has a lot to do with the shame and embarrassment regarding my virginity. I feel like I've failed. I was raised in a pretty conservative, catholic environment where I was taught and eventually came to believe that sex after marriage was the way to go. As I grew older I began to feel that those beliefs and teachings were outdated and would not necessarily lead to happy, fulfilling life. I eventually grew to despise the institution of marriage but not the idea of love. Therefore, I still wanted and hoped that I would be in love the first time. That never happened and here I sit, wondering if it ever will. Its somewhat of a catch 22 for me; I want to be in love so badly but I hide too much of myself to allow anyone close enough. I've kept people at a distance my entire life and the reasons for this are unknown to me.

And, the idea of telling someone I'm intimate with that I'm a virgin frightens the shit out of me. The scenario that plays through my mind is her thinking I'm a complete freak and running the other way.


By anonymous at 27,Feb,12 06:09

I would say don't be ashamed! But be proud of yourself that your not like most of the men in this country!! One day when the time is right you will meet the right person and there will be nothing to worry about! Everything happens for a reason! As for your life you need to be happy within yourself other wise you will be giving out negative vibes that women will pick up on and you will attract the wrong type of partner!! Why not doing something worthwhile! Big or small it don't matter! Do something nice for someone! Do something for someone who is not as lucky as you, a small child or an eldery person or charity! No matter how small you will start to feel better in yourself that your doing something good! Yor join a class you will meet friends,women etc! And start of on a friendship basis and see how it goes from there! When the time is right it will fall into place! But self pity is not an option if you want to see changes in your life!!
By anonymous at 29,Feb,12 13:26

I always believed that I would eventually find that "right" someone. I just feel that I've wasted so much time and I've basically pissed on so many opportunities that that idea gets bleaker and bleaker. I do appreciate your suggestions and I agree that self pity is not an option. I know that the only thing holding me back from the life that I want is myself. Its just very hard to break those habits and cycles that I've been repeating again and again throughout my life. I've turned to drugs, alcohol, pessimism, nihilism, pornography, adrenaline, isolation, and more to cope with these feelings and thoughts that have plagued me for over a decade. I'm not a morose person and if you met me you would probably have no idea this is how I feel. I've had plenty of friends through out my life along with a lot of great experiences filled with laughter and enjoyment. But when the laughter fades and the friendships become more distant, I'm back to being alone, with my thoughts. I will try and take your advice regarding volunteering. I need to do that. Maybe I'm just a selfish prick that is incapable of living outside his own head. Thank you.


By at 28,Feb,12 21:39

There is nothing wrong with being a virgin regardless of gender... And I don't think paying someone to sleep with you is the answer.. You haven't met the right one yet... I've been single for 5 years and it kind of sucks. I don't date much because well guys just want to fk. So I'm waiting for the right one. Good luck.


By anonymous at 29,Feb,12 03:15

Dude you have clear sign of clinical chronic depression, you should seek proper counseling, also pay for it
By anonymous at 29,Feb,12 13:32

I know that I struggle with bouts of depression and have been for sometime. However, I have always been a huge opponent to prescription drugs for depression and the majority of mental illnesses. Its not that I believe these drugs wont work, its just that its not natural. If this is how I am, how I was created and molded then what the hell are drugs going to do but provide me with temporary relief. I do understand that some of my problems, feelings and thoughts could be alleviated with the help of therapy and conversation but I also realize that the go to solution to these problems are drugs. I would like to find a way out of this rut by myself, especially since I believe that I was the one who got me in here in the first place.


By anonymous at 08,Mar,12 11:15

I'm a woman and even I say just have sex. Just get it out of the way. Clearly this is something holding you back. Once you have done it you can focus on other things. You have your head so caught up in this one tging it is keeping you from living


By link building team at 16,Oct,13 11:35

JuehHJ Thanks for the article post.Much thanks again. Keep writing.


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