Okay, First of I want to say that no, my life isn't as bad as some, I'm mainly just using this to get it all off my chest. I just want to let go of everything that's happened in my past to be a more positive person. Most of the negativity started when I was 5 years old, I don't exactly recall what I was doing that day, but I had to put a pair of jeans on over a pair of tights. I couldn't get them up because it was a rather tight situation so I asked my father for help, he responded in yelling and calling me names. Naturally I just kept trying and he was so fed up with me that he struck me hard. I don't know why but that memory has been with me for a long time. My dad has been to jail 3 times, that I know of, and he is constantly abusing me and my mom. Hes stabbed her with a fork, slammed her head in a door, and even put a knife to her throat. When my parents fight, people say its natural, but I get so scared and I always try to stop them. In result I get pushed away and then when the worst is over I'm left alone to processes everything. My mom pushes all of her stress and emotion off on to me. I feel horrible saying that, because I know her childhood was probably way worse than mine was, her mom who slit her wrists only decided not to kill herself because of my mom. The thing is though, the hate isn't directed directly at her. Me and my father fight almost every day. He yells and screams and spits in my face and breaks my things, and I have to be the adult. I'm only 13 and I just want to be a kid for as long as I have. There are many wholes in our apartment walls as well as my broken cellphone, calculator, and even play station to top it off, and when I cry I get insulted for it.
I started making animated videos last year and that seems to help because I have a lot of support from newly made friends. To top it all off my great-grandmother passed about a month ago and my mom thinks it didn't effect me but it really did.
Another rather large event in my life was when I went to my best friends house last year and he Dad and his girlfriend got into a huge fight. It was in the news huge, we were in her room when it went down but then his girlfriend walked in and told us everything would be okay. We thought it was her fault at the time so we ran out only to see my BFFL's dad covering his face with blood dripping down it. She was traumatized, and it was no better when we got to the kitchen and the walls were splattered with blood. My BFFL was shaking so hard that we hid in her grandmothers room until the police showed up. I nonchalantly put my arm around her because she was so nervous, but I admit I was as well. After they left we went to sleep only to be awoken by police officers and we could here her Dad screaming our names.
I know, my life is probably WAY better than many. I just really needed to get this out of my system, I used to be a very dark child always making the wrong friends but I'm finally gaining confidence and I saw this and thought it may help.
~From a heartbroken, crazy family, emotional 13 year old girl. | |
you should not involve yourself in your parents' fights. you might get really hurt. and you really should not talk back to your father. he is not well mentally. why rile him up? just ignore him. and really if you want to get out of this situation, tell one of your counselors or report it to the police. your father has already been to jail 3 times so that's not really in his favor. i have no idea what to tell you. i was hit when i was younger and i had a controlling dad but not an abusive one. this is really sad. you're only 13 years old. next time, your dad might really, really hurt you or your mother, so please be careful and really do you have no one else you can stay with? another grandparent? i really hope everything works out for you. be well and pray. g-d bless.
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