LIFE SUCKS

I don't understand

I was born into a normal family. I just never felt their love. I never feel anyone's love. I can't believe anyone really cares. When I was six years old I was molested by my nanny and immediately following that I ate and gained weight that I am still trying to lose. Ever since then I have given myself away sexually to anyone that wanted me just because I believed that, that is what I was meant to do. No matter how many relationships I've been in every guy has always left and it made me feel like I was never good enough. I let guys do terrible things to me because it seemed like no one really cared, and that was just high school. I struggled to maintain the stamina to attend college and every year i had a different problem. One year i didn't have the money, the next year I got pregnant and contracted herpes and maybe HIV(i'm still scared to get tested) I tried joining a sorority to make me feel surrounded by people who love me but I never truly believed they cared and most of the time I felt like an outcast in my own sorority. I have some many talents, and so much potential but every time I get up I knock myself back down because I don't believe I'm good enough. I'm tired of making excuses for the fact that I am a sorry excuse for a human being. I don't want to continue living this life but I'm still here. I feel like a robot that has fallen apart, been shot, and beaten down to the point where I'm held together by a single wire. I just wish I was never born. HOW COULD GOD ALLOW MY INNOCENCE TO BE STOLEN AND FORCE ME TO LIVE THIS DREADFUL LIFE ALL ALONE. I'm so tired, and no matter how much counseling I get no one ever really gets it, or me. I just don't want to be stuck in this awful life. I want to start over. I want another chance.