U r lucky. I have poor family. My parents divorced when I was born. Since then I never had met my father. My mother raised 4 children and she also looked after her old mother (however my grandmother died 10 years ago) alone. Her income is not enough for our life. So my older brother started to work when he was 17 while his study. Soon he left his school and went abroad to work. His business had no success. And he is now 38 has 2 children and wife. His income is barely enough to his family. My older sister has no good career and work. She sometimes get money from my old mother's pension. And about me. I'm 20 now. Well I was overachiever in school. I was successful and quite happy for my accomplishments. I am much younger from my sister and brother. In my teenage years I lived with my mother. My mother lost hope in relationship and life. So she didn't want me to go out with boys and friends. So my teenage years was full of loneliness and depression. As I am good at school I easily get good university and scholarship. Other people were quite jealous. But it don't matter. I don't care their jealousy. Because I used to be alone and independent. When I came in city I started to work while study. Because I don't want to get money from my poor family. Working get much time from my study. Then from the 2nd year of university, my grades decreased. I became more and more tired and depressed. My boss pushes me hard. My job is quite good than average. So I can't quit my job. Also I need money for living. But I have to study. I'm losing my hopes, dreams and ambition. Also it's hard that people around me don't understand me. I know I'm very introverted and seems independent to others. But inside me, I am insecure child. I have never grown up. I have very low self esteem however my peers admire me a lot. I have very negative picture of my tomorrow. Right now, I don't know what to do. I can't do anything except crying and binging. Life really sucks. | |
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