LIFE SUCKS

endless

I used to think of myself as a good catholic. I didn't make it to church everyday but I had prayed every night since i was a child with only a handful of exceptions. Six years ago my father was murdered by his wife for the money he wasn't going to leave her. I know this because the friday before he died he told me how they were fighting over his will. She denied that there was any will when I confronted her about it, naturally. Ever since then I turned my back on God and the church. I figured I was better off without him. What was the point right? But ever since then I've had what I can only describe as a hole in my chest. This feeling of emptiness. I don't know if it's carrying all this hate around or the crippling depression or some combination of the two. All I know is that it doesn't seem to matter how much drugs I do, casual sex I have, or any other activity that should be fun, I feel nothing. I don't get excited about things anymore. I don't like the person I'm becoming...