just before i got out of high school, i met a girl through some mutual friends.....she was very beautiful and we had so much fun together...i was kind of a jock toughguy joker in school, who tried to make everyone laugh and she and i really hit it off.....over the couple of years, we became very close, almost attached at the hip....after she got out of school, we planned to move in together and start a family.....i truly loved this girl with all of my heart and i thought i was well on my way to a normal life like my parents.....she always used to say that we were soulmates and i started to believe it......one night we were having sex and all of a sudden she did this crazy sideways lean to her right during the act.....i felt a POP down on the left side of my penis and the pain was very intense, even though i tried not to show it.... a couple of seconds later i couldn't stand it anymore....i acted like i heard something outside, so i got up and "fake" looked around, then made my way to the bathroom.....by this time the pain was extremely bad, i could barely walk but there was no bruising....it stopped hurting after a little while, i acted like i didn't feel very good so we didn't finish having sex, i said i wanted to go to sleep and we did....over the course of the next several months, my penis started pulling to the left due to the scar tissue being less elastic than normal penile tissue....first only a little and it wasn't that bad, but it didn't stop....it kept bending to the point that it hurt just to get an erection, to the point that it was extremely uncomfortable even while walking around limp....i didn't know at the time that this is an actual medical condition, (peyronie's) and i never told her she was the one who caused it.
after a few months like this, slowly i noticed our relationship begin to wither, it pretty much got to the point where she seemed to have no respect for me whatsoever.....i tried to make up for the lack of emotion i guess, and i tried to be strong for us, just as i would want her to do for me.....she became pregnant in feb '98 and i asked her to marry me.....she said yes, but two months later we lost the baby.....i figured she was thinking that i would skip out on the wedding plans since she was no longer carrying our child (if i were looking for a way out this would've been the perfect time) but i didn't.....i still married her, like i said i would.....i wanted to spend the rest of my life with this woman.....what else can i say, i truly loved her.....three months after she took my last name, the "new" as husband and wife seemed to wear off and she turned out to be the absolute coldest person i have ever met in my life.....she didn't even give me one year....we were living together and i would lay next to her in bed, but feel like i was completely alone....she would disappear to her mother's house for weeks at a time......i would sit there wondering where my wife is, then i'd go to get her like a lovesick puppy, but she and her family looked at me like i was some kind of chump.....she came back that Christmas, then a couple of weeks later she was living at her mom's again.....i though she might be on drugs or something like that, but she wasn't.....when i would try to talk to her, she was completely careless and cold....after spending the last four months of the first year of our marriage alone, i decided that it would probably be best to give her the free life that she obviously wanted....i told her that i was going to file for divorce, and she laughed at me like it was a joke....i was bluffing, but i hoped that even the mention of divorce would make her realise that i was seriously hurting.....well, she called my bluff, i offered divorce and she took it....within one year of our divorce being final she was pregnant by some random guy.....of course every time i saw any of our friends, they looked at me like they felt sorry for me, and i hated that....i don't know what they knew about us, i have no clue what details she told them.
the way that everything played out, i kind of withdrew and fell off the face of the Earth....all of my relationships with our friends dried up, it was awkward to be around them....i went from a carefree class clown type of guy to a being completely quiet and closed off person.....i lived with my parents, couldn't hold a job and stayed in my room for YEARS broken and alone with no answers....she has no idea what she done to me.....if things were the other way around and she had become diagnosed with something, i would've stayed beside her no matter what.....if all her hair fell out and her skin turned green, any medical condition imaginable, i still would've loved and supported her no questions asked...i'm now 32 years old with no real friends to talk to, and i can't seem to shake this....my siblings invite me out to bars every now and then, but it's like people notice from the moment i walk in that i'm broken....i can't even pretend anymore, i don't even remember how to have fun, if that makes any sense.....i feel like i'm barely alive.....i used to be full of light, but now i don't really care about much of anything....even if i did meet a nice woman who cared to stick around long enough to make an attempt to see me smile, i probably couldn't even have sex with her because my penis is curved.....well, i could have sex, but it probably wouldn't feel very good for either of us.
i don't want my ex-wife back, this wasn't how love is supposed to be and we obviously weren't "soulmates" (i'm starting to doubt that there even is such a thing).....apparently she has a second kid from another different guy now, and has also re-married and divorced again......she tries to contact me with a casual "hey how ya doing" message every now and then on facebook, but i don't respond....surgery to correct "my problem" is extremely expensive and even more risky.....the only thing i really have to look forward to is growing old by myself....any suggestions? | |
If you really dislike this woman, WHY ARE YOU GIVING HER SO MUCH POWER? You want to WASTE MORE TIME ON THAT B*TCH? GET OVER IT! Obviously she has moved on and so should you. You have your siblings wanting to take out to bars to meet ppl. Why don't you? And I am sure depression has made u self conscious but I am pretty sure that everyone is NOT looking at you and thinking ur broken. And you should have really gone to a doctor or the emergency room when ur crazy ex "broke" ur penis? There's hope for you. You're only 32. And men age much better than women. You have so much time left. Don't waste it anymore. Best of luck.
PoIuYt
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