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FML

Posted by N at January 31, 2012
Tags: 2012 January  Money  Unemployment

I want to kill myself. I won;t though as I know the ripple effect and I believe that life IS beautiful and there is a reason for living, but I am stuck in a rut. I am fucked off. I studied Law at Uni. I wasnt very good but I managed to get a good grade at the end of it. Everyone was like oooh youre studying Law thats so good you will get a good job and career etc.
I finished at the end of 2010. I have been doing temporary work for a bit from 2010 to August 2011. Since then I have been unable to find work. I am going fucking gaga. I email and call and send applications daily. I have been for interviews. I went for an interview last Weds and they said they would make a decision by Thursday. I am still waiting. I have just emailed them to follow up. They said they would be making a decision by Thursday but keep me fucking waiting ! What is this !!! Whenever I am in a position of authority and I have to make decisions involving HUMAN BEINGS I am going to be straight up and honest. I can take the truth. If you dont want me for the job - TELL ME, dont keep me hanging like a puppet. I have put on weight, without even realising ! I used to work out 6 days a week and I used to have a spring in my step, and I used to wonder about the world, but now I look in the mirror and see a slow death. That is dramatic yes. I am incredibly lucky and have a lot to be grateful for however I am still fucking pissed off with this situation. I wish I didnt fucking go to University it's a waste of time, effort and fucking money. I am living with my parents. Luckily for me, I get on well with them so thats ok. However, I am soon to be 24 and I am living at home and I have no fucking money to my name. I don't have my driving licence. I feel like i am absolutely redundant in the world and I feel like I have no purpose. It's hard to motivate myself but I keep going because I am not going to let this situation break me. I think to myself oh I could be a Nurse or drive a bus or a train (I can't even legally drive a fucking car who am I kidding), or go back to Uni and study ! Haha as if, I mean the fees have increased tenfold in England and also I just want to fucking work, not be a degree collector !!! I believe in God and I believe this is just part of my life course, I am doing everything I can. I went for an interview with an airline yesterday, well yesterday was the assessment day as they called me back. They rejected me. Assholes. I went for one last year too in April and they rejected me too. Fucking bastards ! I am absolutely 100% willing to get up in the morning every fucking day and go to work and do my thing and stay overtime if necessary. I have had three interviews for a 'receptionist' role with an International bank, but the last interview was 2 weeks ago and the fuckers still havent let meknow the outcome. Three interviews for a receptionist role - I'm not applying to be a partner or CEO for fucks sake !!!!! This is hard, I am losing myself, I look in the mirror and see a slow death, I havenothing to offer and feel absolutely .... insignificant. I wish I had some visible talent like, the ability to sing, dance, act, then I could be a little bitch and go to Drama/Art school and train to do what I love, I have no visible talent. Oh whatever. My time will come. I can't top myself. So I keep going. And hope for better days .. Things could always be worse.


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Comments:
By anonymous at 14,Feb,12 20:06

one of the truest stories ive read. not overdramatic, hopeful, slightly optimistic, yet from within you have doubt.

unlike you im still in school. im went to university of wisconsin - madison for engineering. my whole fucking life people have told me there are a few concrete steps to success: get good grades, go to a good school, get a good job. live happily ever after.

fuck that. a degree is worthless. its been 6 years since graduation. and whats worse is that more and more kids get sucked up into this scam we call higher education.

for fucks sake; if there are thousands of kids graduating in law, engineering, insert high end service job here, do you really think youre going to get that job? itd probably be easier if i swore off college altogether and became a fucking farmer or some shit. better than bartending 10 hours a day to pay rent.

i have advice. none of it is good though, ha. ill just tell you what someone told me when i felt this exact same way around a year after i graduated. fuck other people. fuck jobs, money, etc. if you make enough to live, thats fine. get out into the world, have sex, meet people. smoke dope, i dont know. reading this, i feel like its me from 5 years ago. same bullshit. i dont wanna sound like some kind of guru or some shit but do what you really want to be happy. thats it i guess.
By anonymous at 16,Feb,12 19:00

"have sex, meet people. smoke dope"
Thats the American mentality right there and all that pacifications the reason you can't send your kids to school with a homemade lunch.

People are going to fk you over especially in these times. If you want my advice, be very careful who you call a friend or a lover. In these times you can't afford to make mistakes. Maybe they could in the 60's and the 70s. You could sit around strumming a guitar smoking dope and thinking you're gonna break free with every bong rip, but this isn't gonna help you years from now. Those people became part of the very system they protested, in a big way largely responsible for the current state of the world.
You cannot afford to waste any time. Things are getting harder.


By anonymous at 14,Feb,12 20:09

The runaround employers are giving potential job candidates is ridiculous. I had to interview to sign up with a temp agency, then interview with three people for the temp job! Each time spending money I don't have to travel to and from and just have a snack. The employers are outright lying! They told me I wasn't qualified for a bank teller job when I was an award winning teller for years. If they want to lie they could at least TRY to do a decent job of it! Maybe they should hire some professional liars; but then again they probably already have plenty.


By at 14,Feb,12 20:21

Hi. I kinda identify with you. I am 24 too and I don't have a car either. Do you live in the city? You don't really need a car if you live in the city, so you shouldn't feel too bad about that. I feel that you should be patient and who cares just take whatever job you want. You have your health and you live with your family who you said yourself you get along with. You don't have any problems with abuse and violence so I feel like you do not have it that bad. Just keep trying. Have you ever thought abt looking for jobs in other cities or even for jobs that are beneath you? Take whatever. Try interning or volunteer work to get ur mind of things. Hard times. A lot of people in your situation. Don't feel too bad. As far as gaining weight goes, just go out for regular walks. They improve ur mood and ur health. GOOD LUCK. Do NOT give up.


By anonymous at 15,Feb,12 19:33

Hi,

Believe me, I know the feeling. I am a veteran who went to school, got a Masters degree and still 9 months after graduation have yet to find a decent job. I work at a job that pays minimum wage, fortunately I don't have rent because I live in my grandpas house. I am saving my paychecks and am going into business for myself. There's little left for us who followed "all the right steps in life". I have to agree somewhat with the poster who said do what you want. The economy of the world is wrecked. Save your money and invest for better times, just not in the stock market, that's a scam. Invest your time in learning something you can trade with others. Too many lawyers in the world anyways. Best of luck, hope things turnaround for all of us.


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By Maud at 15,May,17 01:39

Fowler had a .390 BABIP, well below average D, and he do;1sRn7et steal bases at a good clip. Like his OB numbers, but his increased power numbers last year will take a hit moving away from Coors. You’d be paying for more than you’d really get.


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