I'm a female, just celebrated my 22nd birthday. A little over a year ago I left halfway through my 3rd year of college because I was having crippling panic attacks on a regular basis, which I thought was a sign that college wasn't the right choice for me. So I left, and moved into my sister's house at the other end of the country. She was there, her husband, he six kids, and my father. I had about a 2 grand in the bank, a car, a place to stay...just had to look for a job, life seemed pretty even and pretty possible. Panic attacks were gone too. But then I started having an affair with my sister's husband. The whole thing felt like a manic binge. No matter how much I hated him, myself, or the whole situation, I couldn't stop. Looking back I think I did it because I had all this anger built up in me. Needless to say this alienated me from that side of my family. Got a job in the city. Got a shitty apartment in a shitty part of town. Both in my town and at work I was the only white girl. Ran out of money. Moved in with my sister at the other end of the country. Fucked her boyfriend. Moved back in with my mother. Decided to go back to school at the other end of the country (back and forth). Got kicked out of the first place I was living in because of roommate trouble. Live in a dirty house with three strange men.
I pray that they leave me alone. They seem to, though I've got my eye on one who I can't get a good read on.
Since the panic attacks, I've hated life.
Since the affair, I've hated everyone.
This past week I haven't been able to stop eating.
My mother just informed me that she won't pay for college next year (my last fucking year of this shit - and I get fucking straight A's and work, it's not like I'm slacking off over here).
I have abnormal cells in my cervix and genital warts.
I've got this stabbing pain in my back.
Chronic headaches.
A ganglion cyst in my right wrist
How do I put this delicately..."disruptive digestive problems"
A thyroid condition I'm running out of medication for.
This terrible urge to punch anyone in the face who talks to me.
No friends.
Family is 2000 miles away.
No money.
Loan Debt.
Bad brakes on my car.
Now, my question is - do I have to succumb to first world guilt and say, "It could be worse," or is this truly a miserable situation?
I would trade all this shit I have, all the privilege of being white in America, trade all that shit just to have meaningful relationships and good health. | |
2. You f--ked your sister's man whom she had a family of six kids with. OMG
3. You are a terrible person. You need to admit that and apologize if you want your life to get better. Quit making excuses.
your so confused as to why those men aren't interested in you its because they can tell that you have been around more than the moon, filthy skank
girls going to college is like a monkey on rollerskates, it means nothing to them but its absolutely adorable to us.
New Comment