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Stuck in a depressing pit of arguments, anger and depression.

Posted by Scotus at January 30, 2012
Tags: Family  2012 January  Juvenile problems

I'm 16 and despise many factors of my life.

It all started around six months or so ago, when my mum began to complain that there was nothing for her as she pretty much lived in a football-dominated home. I felt the same- my dad and brother spend most if not all weekends as well as school nights doing something football related- if it's training, watching the team my brother plays in, watching the team they support, whatever. Things soon lead to the first of many arguments and my mum would go and sleep at my Nan's house.
Soon after she'd cooled down and regretted acting how she did- but then my dad decided there was nothing for him either...! He felt angry how he always had to apologise after an argument so refused to do so any more.

My study leave then started- beginning as two pleasant sort of weeks where I could revise and play video games as well as have a friend round. Then, my mum finished work for the summer; every day she'd be crying, looking to talk to me since she was upset and hurt that dad did not want to forgive her.
Weeks of this passed and eventually, dad said they could sort things out. In the mean time, he had got back in contact with a woman with whom he used to work with, who (apparently) had breast cancer. She was recently divorced and her 15 and 17 year old children were at her ex-husbands' home.Supposedly lonely and suffering from 'panic attacks', my dad obviously pitied her and had offered to stay at her home for one night.

It must have been because things were starting to look up we (including my mum) decided it was okay for my dad to do this. He set off in the afternoon, about 1pm. By evening my mum was regretting it, saying it didn't feel right and texted dad to come back. He never- and when he came back in the morning mum was distraught, saying how she felt she couldn't cope knowing dad was there.
Things soon erupted back into arguments again- dad still kept in contact with his workmate and took her to hospital and visited her, etc. Supposedly, her family (including her 15 and 17 year old kids) couldn't cope with it as they weren't as strong as my dad, which is why it was him who had to do all the running about.

Soon convinced my dad was having an affair, the final straw being him lying by saying he was going for a drink with work colleagues but he was actually seeing her, mum turned against him again.

Typically, perfect timing, the summer holidays then started. During the first week my dad, brother and I always go to a caravan park for a half a week- my nan, auntie and little cousins have it for the first half, then we have it.
My dad offered to visit my nan and auntie with mum to discuss things- but they unsurprisingly turned against my dad, saying what he did was wrong. He'd already apologised and pointed out we all agreed to it, but it was no good.
We went home having made little progress, my dad, brother and I returning to the camp site when it was our turn- and we actually had a nice day spent with my nan and auntie.
My mum arrived the next day as we thought it'd be a good idea if she came- but she fell out with him all over again, still angry about what had happened.
The holiday was spoilt for me which was a shame- I usually look forward to it.

We returned home and mum obviously felt guilty- after a couple more discussions, we persuaded her to come with us on our summer holiday to Lanzarote (it took an awful lot of persuasion- after what had already happened she was adamant on not going). We left with high hopes. I knew this would either save or destroy their marriage.
Worst fucking holiday ever.
The first week went fine.
My dad had paid £10 to use his blackberry to contact people at home while we were abroad; he was on it a lot and never usually left it unattended. One day he was sat on the balcony opposite me when my brother crept up behind him and asked what he was doing. My dad replied he was playing a game- but my brother had already seen the name of the workmate woman from before. Mum heard and was furious again.
Arguments continued- so much that whilst walking on the sea front, my mum called my dad a wanker and he told her to fuck off. I walked ahead, embarrassed, upset and fucking angry about it all.
The rest of the holiday was pretty much ruined- one of the nights I'd had too much and just sat on a concrete slab on the sea front and cried, not knowing what I had done to deserve all of this shit. Fucking shit.

Constant arguments at home followed- I'd escape by going out or going into my bedroom (I usually only use it for sleeping in).
The arguments worsened and I'd have another 'over-dose' of it all, retreating to cry again.

I was then promised that although divorce was inevitable, things would be a lot more civilised and arguments would be no more. Bullshit. Fucking bullshit.
Another discussion turned into a full-blown argument- my mum was shouting wanker, wanker at my dad- then I lost it. This was the first time I really let my emotions completely loose- I banged my head on the wall, threw over a fruit bowl and rushed upstairs. I honestly felt like I couldn't contain anything- I dashed to my bedroom with my mum and dad following- all I remember is shaking and looking for something to take my anger out on.
I'd previously made comments about my life not being worth living, so it was obvious my mum and dad instantly followed me as they feared I was going to harm myself.
I told them to go away before going back downstairs and collapsing in the kitchen, curling up into ball in the corner and holding my hands over my ears. I remember whimpering and whining and sort of hyperventilating- I didn't know what the fuck was going on.
Things should never have got to the stage where I'm having an emotional and mental breakdown. I felt like I'd either want to skip ahead 10 years into my life so I was living my own life or simply ending it all now.

I was promised again by mum and dad that they'd never argue like that again- but it already went way too far. They've tried making me feel better by going on meals out and stuff.

My brother's irritating ignorance and arrogance towards me as well as the inconsideration shown from both my mum and dad renders the whole situation somewhat unforgivable. I'm feeling depressed, let-down, angry, upset and heart-broken. I hate my school life too, at Sixth Form- that's fucking shit and all. I'm not popular, the teachers treat us like shit and the work is very unpleasant.

My parents are officially divorced next month- my mum stayed for Christmas which went okay, but occasional if not frequent arguments still occur- mainly because of my brother- he's so cheeky, rude, ignorant, moronic, obnoxious, sarcastic and pretty much a prat. He causes most of the arguments.

My mum agreed to stay for my birthday which is tomorrow (well, today) but another argument occurred just before we went to bed. My dad seems to be always sticking up for my brother which is annoying my mum- and when she kept telling him to turn his laptop off he wouldn't. When my dad defended him by saying he's doing school work, it resulted in another argument.

I again felt the depressing feeling of being sick of it all when my mum went to bed without resolving things and my dad was banging at the wall and other objects in anger when I told him there was no point in me getting up in the morning.

I honestly can't wait until I'm at university/ I've got my own home.

It looks like I'm in for a fantastic birthday.


Votes:


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New Comment

Comments:
By anonymous at 14,Feb,12 04:03

Hi There.
Well I really can relate to you because my parents just got divorced. And I am having a very hard time to adjust to my new life.
I wish you all the best really! I hope things will be okay :)


By anonymous at 14,Feb,12 18:22

Hormones are a bitch. STFU
By anonymous at 17,Aug,13 13:02

Bi-polar


By anonymous at 14,Feb,12 22:58

Im sorry to hear about all the hardships you've endured. Its not over, heres some good news.

God uses the weak, the powerless, the hurt, the poor, and the lonely in GREAT ways. Heres a illustration: A potter will take a helpless, lifeless lump of clay and then knead it and squeeze it until it's soft and pliable. And then when he gets it just right, he takes that piece of clay and he does something called throwing, where he places the clay on a spinning table.
As that clay is placed upon that turning wheel, the potter's hands then begin to pressure the clay and work it until he makes something beautiful out of that old ugly piece of clay.

God is the true master craftsman. He is a potter who is making something beautiful out of every life. He will take the old ugly mistakes and sins and make them into something completely new!

When you truly know God, you can live victoriously! So whatever the ugliness is in your life, be assured that through the blood of Christ, God molds you and makes you into something beautiful! Many people can testify to how God has changed them. Ive never heard of anyone regretting putting their faith in jesus.

Are you saved? God can turn the worst of situations into good! Joeseph was left for dead and put into slavery by his brothers, he was abandonded, afraid, probably thought his life was over. But he trusted God, he then eventually became second in command of Egypt. Without looking into the future it can be hard to be optimistic. If you put your faith with jesus he wont abandon you, he will love you and give you a new life. All you have to do is accept jesus as your lord and savior and ask for forgiveness of your sin, he will wash away all your sin (everyone has sin, i'm not judging you by what I say).


Jesus knows your pain, because he went through all the different pains possible when he was tortured and then nailed to a cross. He layed down his life for me and you, so that we can have eternal life in heaven. All we have to do is accept him as our lord and savior and ask for forgiveness for our sin. Jesus loves you with love that cant be compared, he loves you so much that he died for you. He can change you. He changes people every single day. You can say that one of his job descriptions is "Life Changer". He knows your trouble, he cares for you, and he wants you to know him. He will comfort us when there seems to be no comfort available. He is our friend when everyone else seems to not care, he provides for us when we are without, and he gives us strength when we are weak. He washes away all our sin when we have lived sinfilled lives. He is offering the gift of everlasting life in heaven free of charge, its your choice whether you accept his offer.


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