LIFE SUCKS

im depressed. they think i live the perfect life.

im so sad. really. super sad.. im 23 years old. and people think i live a perfect life. i try to always smile so people wont notice im broken inside because people around me arent used to me when im not smiling. they know me as the girl who is happy and nice. i feel like god doesnt exist really. im a catholic but sometimes i do ask myself if god does really exist. because i just realized that bad people they are the one's enjoying their lives they are so happy making other people miserable! but the good people like me, we suffer!! so much!

i had a bf. 1st bf. but he was so complicated. i wont go into details. i was very choosy i got a bf when i was 21yrs old but he just fckd my head up. even if we are broken up people i know or my friends they always update me with him.. the thing is its not even good news. i dont know if they are retarted, or they care, or they are really insensitve but they tell me things that they shouldnt even tell me because it will really hurt me..
i did love him. i cant accept the fact that we got broken up and then after being so choosy i chose the wrong guy. i feel i wasted every effort i did.. because everything was okay but he was the problem.. now even if there are boys who are courting me i cant trust them anymore because im scared to get hurt again. i feel like they will all hurt me. im so scared to have a bf again but sometimes i think i should have someone special also so i wont feel this way :(

i have a wonderful family except for my mom she is fckd up. she is insecured. she always makes me feel bad. she uses my pictures online to flirt with other guys. she uses my face. my sister told me about this..she always say if ever my sister catches her that she is just doing that for fun because she is bored. i dont know why she is like that but shes one fckd up mom. she always tells us she regrets evrything that she wishes she could be young again and for sure she will beat me and my sisters because she is too confident that shes more pretty than us. she will even tell us that the guys who likes us will not take us seriously maybe she said they will just play with you.. i dont know why she is like that. im a girl who is a serious type. i dont like playing around with guys. flings. i like serious things. with relationships it should be serious or nothing.. she always has money she will tell us that she will give us hen she will show it to us but she wont even give us. so see people think we live a perfect life but its really not. my dad he is just quiet.. he always tells us not to mind our stupid mom.

i go to a uni.im in college.. and i hate everythng. because im so pressured. my mom is pressuring me also. i feel like i wanna die already. i feel my life is so useless. or my mom should die instead because she is just a pest. she always makes us feel bad. she is a nagger. she is not a normal mom. since i was little i envy my friends classmates who have nice moms who go shopping with them who wants their daughters to be beautiful always.

i was blessed with a beautiful face. im mixed. im not saying this because im conceited but because most people even foreigners they say that im pretty and im nice, its true that im nice thats why many people appreciate me but at the same time there are some people who hate me also for no valid reason.. like my mom. she hates me i think. because she is doing that to me.. there are girls being bitchy to me spreading stupid stories about me but i dont know them that much but they say those stupid gossips.

i really feel empty. there are times that when i walk or when im quiet people ask me whats the problem they think im just being quiet or im sleepy because they are used to me always smiling and being happy but deep inside im hurt and im thinking too much about the things happening to me.. im so sad. im not making this up :( i really feel down..