LIFE SUCKS

I'm sorry to hear about your trouble. Unfortunately we live in a broken sinful world full of problems. But there is a hope in Jesus. He saw how broken the world is first hand! He suffered more than any man, he died on the cross for all sinners (everyone has sinned). He layed down his life for us so that we could have a much better life without suffering in heaven. God wanted much more for us but sin came into the world. Heaven is what God wants for us now, as unworthy as we are. Jesus can change your life, he changes lifes everyday. More importantly he can give you "life". Accept jesus as your lord and savior, and ask for forgiveness for your sin and He will save you and give you life. All this may sound cheesy but I have to testify to what I know is true.

God uses the weak, the powerless, the hurt, the poor, and the lonely in GREAT ways. Heres a illustration: A potter will take a helpless, lifeless lump of clay and then knead it and squeeze it until it's soft and pliable. And then when he gets it just right, he takes that piece of clay and he does something called throwing, where he places the clay on a spinning table.
As that clay is placed upon that turning wheel, the potter's hands then begin to pressure the clay and work it until he makes something beautiful out of that old ugly piece of clay.

Don't lose hope, you cant imagine what great things may be ahead in life.

Fuck Jesus, he's dead. We are not clay, we are imperfect, FLESHY humans. Christianity is just another opiate, but also a fucked up guilt-trip. Go preach to the less vulnerable, please.
Anyways, I didn't just want to comment to this bible-thumping prick, but to you Epic Fail.
I think about suicide sometimes. I have terrible social anxiety and am seriously depressed most of the time. My mom is also bi-polar and was pretty fucked up when I was a kid. Growing up with her, I was incredibly and confused and also felt in danger. I never knew when she would be my mom or a screaming psychopath or in bed all day crying. My dad was never there and I was sexually abused by my brother, my male cousin, 3 female friends, possibly my grandpa, and more whom I can't recall yet. I was also physically abused by my sister, brother and some friends.
Today, everyday is misery. I have terrible nightmares every night, when I can sleep. I'll pray for an escape from my dreams, but when the day comes, it feels like just another nightmare, only "real," and inescapable. I cannot relate to other people at all, either. I have only 2 friends whom I cannot help but feel are just fucking with my head. I have had 2 unsuccessful and traumatizing relationships, one was a total prick and the other was diagnosed with schizophrenia and medicated for it at age 13, however he is not schizo but the medication fucked him up. I am terrified of people, I feel like any guy will just fuck with my body and any girl will fuck with my head.
I am so deep in my head, I feel so fucked and hopeless, I don't know why I am not on opiates as well. Really, I have my own addictions. In highschool I was addicted to not eating, making myself vomit, cutting, etc; now it's just fucked up thought patterns I'm addicted to. In a way, I get off on repeating the bullshit other people put me through, paying for their mistakes.
In a way, I just want someone to rape me again to feed the beast I have inside me that a handful of people created. But more than that, and in my lucid moments, I want acceptance, clarity and health.
I don't yet believe this with my heart, or whatever you want to call it, but intellectually I KNOW that all this suffering is not because of what's wrong with me, but what's happened to me.
You will be okay one day. I do believe that with my heart because I believe that one day I will be okay, and if I can be okay, anybody can be fucking amazing.