I’ve gotten to that point in my life where it seems suicide is the only way. Its just in the back of my head. My hopeless future awaits me. Will I truly be punished for taking the life I cannot handle? I’ve tried so hard to understand my confusing life. No one can shed a light in my dark corner. I hate this so much! I could drown a bottle right now and just lie down and never wake up. And not go to heaven nor to hell. I am in hell.
It’s unfair, it’s never I to get the job. It’s never I to get the easier life. To get the good friends or friends at all. I’m always the one to cry about loneliness, sadness, depression. No one there to help me emotionally and hear my problems. Why exactly am I alive? I’ll never get anywhere, everyday I’m alive feels like being dead. I am dead. I want to die. Its so hard to force yourself to love yourself. I cannot anymore. I hate this life I live, I hated the life I lived, I shall hate the future I create. Should I do it? Should I actually do it? And watch no one cry for me. No one to wonder about me, who I was or could have been? For them to call me weak? No one cares and I know it. What I don’t know is what I’ve done to deserve that. Did I not care for them? Did I not listen? I’ve tried so hard but no one sees this. No one wants to see it. To see me, to know me. All they see me as is a burden. You can’t reach out because it causes commotion. It causes disorder. I feel death. I feel stuck. I feel nervous. I feel angry and all so weak. So weak.
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