i tried to start my life over in college. it didn't work. i've been diagnosed with depression, borderline personality disorder, and adhd. many of my close family members including immediate family members have died of cancer or were killed. i'm questioning my sexual identity since high school. i was raped when i was thirteen and i don't know if i like girls because i was terrified of men or if i really am bi. my parents are christian and wouldn't understand at all. all my friends are very heterosexual and look down on gays. i am impulsive and really regret cutting myself and have scars that i am really ashamed of. i can't ever date because i can't seem to be very connected with people emotionally. i have one night stands with women and the occasional man but i can't date them. every time i have had a relationship with someone we break up because i don't talk enough or i'm not emotionally invested enough. people think i'm so happy and slightly eccentric and quirky. i'm actually quirky and sometimes eccentric but im never happy. i'm on academic probation this semester because i can't get myself out of this slump. i eat, go to the gym, sleep and sometimes go on the internet. my friends and family don't understand me. my extended family is very screwed up and everyone is separated or fighting about money and our deceased members' wills. everyone in my family doesn't talk because we all have our own problems and my parents and siblings like to pretend that everything is okay when in reality we are all going through something. | |
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