LIFE SUCKS

I don't think I can be strong anymore...

I have read some of the stories on here and honestly it seems like I may just be whining.

When I was born, a year later my parents got divorced. My Dad remarried and my mom remarried.
My mom doesn't have a thyroid so she has to be on medication at all times. She's pretty normal to me except when we argue. She gets angry if I go and see the one friend I have right now for a day. I once got kicked out of the house for staying with my friend to work on our project and not coming home to see my mom. I stayed over at another friend's house, finished the project and made an "A" anyway.
My mom never apologized for kicking me out, I apologized to her because I missed her and didn't have the means to be on my own.

Since I was born my mom has had several break downs and almost died once because the doctor she was under the care of nearly over dosed her on medication. Her break downs are hard to deal with. She says mean things and sometimes hits me for no reason.

My step-dad is very ill-tempered with me and her. He constantly nags about how we don't cook or clean properly. He is very sexist and at times makes us go without most of the time. I never get my hair cut or get new clothes and barely have money to go anywhere and sometimes go without food.

I had my first bf when I was 15 he was 21. I look back now an realize I just wanted someone to love me and he was a way to escape my life at home. I wasn't allowed to go anywhere so I started sneaking out. He dumped me after 6 months and had been cheating on me the whole time it really messed with my head. He called me names like fat and stupid and a whore and a bitch.
He even told me that when I stand next to my hot friend it makes me look so much worse.

My next boyfriend was nice at the beginning but soon got into trouble with drugs. He would hit me and call me names too. He cheated as well. I was used to it so I stuck around for a year in a half until finally he tried to choke me, so I finally left. He turned gay soon after and started a rumor that it was my fault.

I graduated high school at 16 applied for a grant and went straight to a community college.
I met my next boyfriend who was once again nice in the beginning and then turned sour. He too would verbally and mentally abuse me. I wasn't allowed to see my friends and he would tell me I was being punished and I deserved it because I was bad. He constantly cheated and was obvious about it. After a year in a half I finally told him I wished him the best but it will never work and needed professional help.

I have had a lot of distrust and resentment towards men and I have to keep telling myself that just because I CHOSE to date some jerks does not give me the right to generalize men with just that.

The only job I was able to find a few years later was seasonal. (Not counting working at mcdonald's for 3 months when I was 15) My mom had a break down while I was working and it was very difficult for me not to cry at work sometimes. There were co-workers who would put me down and make me feel stupid. I would just smile and do my best because I needed the money and I wasn't there for them. I spent most of my money on Christmas presents for my family. It was the first chance I ever had to give something back.

I was able to get a cell phone for the first time in 5 years. It was 30 dollars and is a bit of a dinosaur but I am happy to have it.

Suddenly things started looking up. My birth father (whom I stay in touch with even though he lives out of state) said he and my step-mom bought me a christmas present. A car.
A 1983 Lincoln continental. My Dad said he would drive it down for me in January when the weather gets better.

I told my best friend and she got so excited. We both tried not to get our hopes up though because if we aren't too careful the bubble might burst. So long story short, my term with the seasonal job ended right after Christmas. Luckily I had saved about 300 to take help care of some of the expenses of my car. I needed to get my license. I haven't driven since I was 17.

I called my Dad to let him know I was getting my license and to ask when he wold be driving the car down. After I told him I was getting my license he told me he wanted to talk to me about it.

He doesn't want to drive the car down because he thinks it will get stolen in the neighborhood I live and he wants to "keep it with him for a while."

After I hung up I wanted to cry. I don't know why I let myself get so excited about getting a car and moving out and getting my own life, but I did. I shouldn't have and I blame myself. I still have most of my money but I have to keep paying my cell phone bill.

So here I am. Single, 20 years old, in my last semester of college living with my parents who are always angry at me for breathing with no way to get a job in the field I want because of where I live. I have been looking like crazy.

My best is stuck too. She's 26 and lives her parents and a physically and verbally abusive brother. She does have a "big girl job", a college degree and a good car. It's just where we live the employment is awful and you NEED a room mate or 2 if you want to "live on your own". We don't have any other "real friends" because everyone else is involved in a relationship, doing their own thing and hardly keeps in touch anymore.

We're both single,we're both stuck and we're both sick of the area we live in with almost no way out. It's really disheartening.

If you have read this far thank you for listening.
The main reason I wrote all this was to finally get most of it off my chest and for once in my life stop faking a smile.
I know things could be so much worse and I don't mean to be complaining but I just need some help. PLEASE PRAY FOR ME.