LIFE SUCKS

cyclothymia

I'm a 24 girl,I have cyclothymia, it is an easier type of bipolar. I enjoy life at one moment at it's highest and all of a sudden I wake up totally depressed. I struggle with this for 11 year now. Developed it during teen age - alcoholic father, family fights, shocks and suffering. Studied a lot though, wanted to become an architect but my depression kicked in right before the exam, failed. Became a civil engineer instead, masters too - I hate this. I developed an inner world, had tons of crappy relationships, suffered great depressions after each one. I have a heart condition for 3 years now. Ended up not pursuing any of my dreams, not finding a job, no guy seems to stick around all though am look really good and I'm fun and easy to be with ( I'm just creating subconscious barriers for not getting hurt). Because of cyclothymia I start motivating projects and then just abandon them when I get depressed. All I want is to feel like a normal person, get affection, have a normal life. Do appreciate your mental health! PS:I will never stop trying to be better nor loose my hope though..